"I know your heart is breaking and your soul cries. Humor is the only way we stay even remotely sane when faced with life in all its brutality." ----- I wrote in an e-mail to a dear friend who is dealing with watching another loved one in the throes of cancer.
Why the hell do our friends have to suffer so young? Yet another battling so hard, doing all the "right" things, and still cancer overcomes.
Still, I know it is nature's way. "..... and when I die, and when I'm dead and gone, there'll be one child born in our world to carry on, to carry on......" Been here before.
Criminetlies, I don't want to see it. Oh, sure, I welcome life, albeit a bittersweet welcome these days. But death, I could live without. So I visit and encourage and feed my friend through a tube. We joke about what is hideous, because we love.
Yesterday my daughter had a golf ball size lump removed from her breast and they were able to get it all. We don't think it's cancer. Why? Because we don't WANT it to be, of course! Guess what? The nurses drew her blood to make sure she wasn't with child before they put her under. She's pregnant! She had a local anesthetic. This will be her first child.
Her boyfriend picked her up from her gramma's after he got off work. Actually brought her flowers and PICKED HER UP! Carried her to his pick 'em up truck and set her in the seat while professing his sheer delight in their newly discovered circumstance. Told her he was so happy and he loved her! Good man.
Ah, I remember being pregnant with her. I craved snow cones, popsicles and green beans! She was nearly two weeks late in coming, and I walked all the way into towne pushing her strollered sister to try to coax her out! I'll never forget the look of alarm on Alan Canfora's face as he offered to drive me back home, he was afraid I'd go into labour right there in his health food store. Would have suited me just fine! Yours truly declined the ride. I was walking with a purpose, Honey! Finally in labor two days later, Kid Leo from WMMS played "The Waiting Is The Hardest Part" for me on the air. Do you know my little darling was born with a tan? And a black mohawk! I would sing "Brown Eyed Girl" and "Lullaby My Little Papoose" to my sweet baby girl.
I find myself glad for her and giddy for myself, as I'll have another granddaughter in May or June from her older sister! (this is her third). Yet I know it's a hard road ahead. Joy and sorrow, the stuff of life.
Meanwhile, nature is greening up and time moves swiftly. Planting beans and peas and onions. Honeysuckle shoots and bulb flowers are showing. In all this newness of spring, five of my friends are hanging on for dear life, each with different cancers. Monsters growing inside them. LIfe and death, Spring and Autumn dancing together.
Thank the fates for Robert Ferguson's poem, Upon A Clinging Shadow Rests. I wept at the beauty of his perfectly crafted words which brought release to my troubled soul. Thanks, Robert, for bringing this work of art to Gather, thus to me.
I'd drink a toast, but alas, my glass is empty. I'll send up smoke instead.
Rock on, everybody. It's just a ride.
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Comments: 40
I am going to be crude here, but it seems fitting.... I keep thinking of Ain't nothin like a gang bang by The Sensational Alex Harvey Band..... especially the part where she's "smilin' through her tears". Musical analogies are the jukebox in my head.
Christopher, this I do, Honey, and thank you so.
Carolyn, I think that's a perfect epitaph. Do it!
Music always has been my constant companion.
Rock on indeed! One of the secrets to surviving the grand joke we call life is to know the literal difference between ignorance and stupidity. While ingnorance in proper proportions can save your life, the smallest amount of stupidity can not only kill you, but it can make life really ugly in the process.
In short - Rock On !
"But death, I could live without." is a great line. Too bad it's not true.
got your smoke signals, Cat. puffing right back at ya.
Carl, I meant that line......it is wishful</> thinking. Remember the film, Death Takes A Holiday?
Ludolph, well said, friend.
KR.... your words uplift. I'm no example, though. Just an ordinary woman in an ordinary life.
Carolyn, I think I know that song..... it is a true lamentation, is it not? All that fundie upbringing helped me remember to count blessings. Glad you smelled the smoke, it travels and finds you wherever you are, even in your autumnal home.
Serina, Laugh on while you Rock On, Honey! The past is gone. Tho we have the scars, we are not going to be defeated by it.
Peace,
Cat
It was all uphill from there. He walked the bayou and I walked up my hill. The wind blew in Houston and the wind blew in Ohio. Clouds floated by and we both laughed until our cell phones batteries could stand no more.
You know I would not trade the good or the bad. Emotions are the soul of my life. These accentuate the good in sharp contrast. It is the love of family and friends that shore up the stroms that befall us. You my friend are one strong support. Thank you, and Robert Ferguson (perfect choice to include) for the direction and also for the smoke. I will go pick some sage and send up some smoke now for us all...
BTW, My brother is feeling the full affects of his treatment, but he's enjoying his down time too. He is near the ocean and exploring Houston with his wife. Not chemo, he's getting radiation and monoclonal antibodies (?) And he is at one of the finest cancer treatment centers, MD ANderson.
Bless you all and Happy Easter. Enjoy all of the reasons for this holiday!
I too have lost family to dreaded cancer.
Charles, glad to share, Dear. Thanks for your kind words.
Mandi, I am sorry for your loss, and I appreciate the good wishes.
My daughter's mass was NOT CANCER!!!! And her due date is 29 November.