The Red Suitcase - Part Four

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Betsy ran up to me and gave me a hug.  "Tangie my girl, looks like ya gonna see some suitcase dreams in this lifetime after all!"

I hugged her in return, "That's right Betsy.  Finally!"  There were tears in my eyes.  I could care less about the baseball, but I was going to get out of Rowan County, North Carolina.    I looked up and saw Clayton and his friends coming toward us.  I pulled back from Betsy and smiled at Clayton.  "Congratulations Clayton.  You did real good up there!"

The grin on Clayton's face could not be wiped off by anything right now.  "Thank ya.  Hey Betsy, the boys wanna take me out to Charlie's to celebrate.  You think you could drive Tangie and the kids home for me?"

"Sure Clayton, I'd be glad to," Betsy replied.

"Tangie, go ahead and start packin'.  The flight 's on Monday mornin', so you know the boys and me ain't gonna have time to pack.  And the kids ain't gonna know what to pack.  So just pack for all of us.  Okay?"  Clayton was so excited.  There was almost a twinkle in his eye. 

"Don't you worry.  I'll get everyone all packed up and ready to go!" I was beaming too.  We waved goodbye and then hurried home.  I was so glad to have Betsy's help.  We started with the kids' suitcase.  Then we moved on to Eli's suitcase, then to Wayne's, and then to Clayton's. 

Finally, we got to mine.  The red suitcase.  I pulled it out of the closet and we sat on the bed.  "Ya know Betsy, I've had this suitcase since I was 16.  I bought it the summer before I met Clayton.  This is what started my suitcase dreams.  Well, you know what happened there."

Betsy laughed.  "Yeah, that sneaky Clayton got ya pregnant, and then the wedded bliss came."

I laughed.  "Wedded bliss?  It's been more like wedded lunacy.  Lord knows, if I'd've known what I know now back then, I would have run to a home for unwed mothers, had that baby, given him up for adoption, and gone on with my life without Clayton.  If only I could turn back time."

"Well Tangie, you know what they say – if if's were a fifth, we'd all be drunk."  We both laughed.

"I suppose you're right.  Can't go changin' the past now, can we.  That's not what I did.  Nope.  Instead, I packed this red suitcase with my clothes.  Clayton and I moved into this house that his parents gave us.  There was no honeymoon, no romance, no love."

I opened the suitcase I looked with sadness at the contents.  "I thought I could make Clayton love me.  Make him forget May.  I thought I could make him happy by being a good wife.  But I was never good enough." 

Betsy reached out her hand to me, making me look into eyes.  "You don't really believe that, do you, Tangie?  Clayton may think you're not good enough, but to me, and in God's eyes, you are good enough.  I see a lovin', sweet lady, in a bad situation."

"No, I know that.  I do."  I felt the need to change subjects.  "Well, at least Pauline learned a lesson from me.  I keep all of her postcards in here," I said as I turned the suitcase and displayed all of the cards inside.

Betsy grabbed a handful of cards and began looking at them.  "Wow.  Look at all the places she's been.  She really has lived out her suitcase dreams.  What I would give to go to just one of these places."

I smiled and sighed.  "Yeah, I know what ya mean."  I began gathering the cards and stacking them together.  There were so many, I was having a hard time thinking of another place to keep them.  They were too much of a treasure to give up. 

Finally, I decided to put them in the drawers of my nightstand.  I could temporarily relocate the few items in there until we returned.  In the meantime, perhaps the closeness of the postcards would encourage some real suitcase dreams.

Betsy went to my closet to get clothes to pack for the trip.  "Tangie, all you have are housedresses.  You cannot go on a trip to Atlanta and wear housedresses.  Don't you have somethin' else?"

"No, Clayton is such a penny pincher, and all I ever get to do is housework.  So all that makes sense to have are housedresses."  I reached in and grabbed four of my best ones and smiled.  "These will have to do.  I'm not gonna let my clothes rain on my parade."

"Well, I suppose you're right," Betsy replied with a smile," but maybe since Clayton is in such a good mood, you can talk him into lettin' you get at least one new dress?"

I sat on the bed with the housedresses in my arms.  "Hmmm, maybe?  I ain't seen him that happy in years.  I could point out that they may take photos for the local paper.  Maybe he will give me a little money to get a new dress or two."

"Yeah, but he could also decide to bust your chops for askin' too."

I bit my lower lip and thought for a moment.  "Well, it just depends on how his mood is and how I approach him.  I think it could be fine."

"Well, you just be careful.  I gotta run.  It's gettin' late and Fred will wonder where I am at this late at night.  I'm so happy for ya darlin'!  You just be careful, okay?"  Betsy hugged me, and then I walked her to her car. 

I waited until after lunch on Sunday to ask Clayton about the new dresses.  I had fixed his favorite, fried chicken and mashed potatoes.  There was plenty of food and beer available for him and the boys.  Clayton seemed to be in a good mood.  I would make my trip to town to get the dresses as quick as possible. 

I was very nervous.  It took several attempts before anything actually came out of my mouth.  I knew to wait for a commercial.  Finally, I took my chance.  "Clayton?"

"Hmm?" he said, half acknowledging as he took a sip of beer.

"I was wonderin'?" my voice was shaky, and I looked down and played with the edge of my apron as I spoke.  "You know they may take photos on the trip for the newspaper."

"Yeah, so?" Clayton said, still uninterested.

"Well, all I have are these old housedresses.  You think you could give me a little money to get a new dress or two for the trip?"  I looked up at that point to see his reaction. 

Clayton sat down his bottle of beer and turned to look at me with a smile on his face.  He shook his head.  "You crazy old woman.  You don't even like baseball.  You think I'd waste a ticket on you?  I thought for sure you'd know that Arnie was the sixth ticket.  He's my best friend and is over here every year to watch the World Series.  Did ya really think I'd pick you over him?"

I was filled with anger, shock and disbelief.  "Clayton Burkefield, you knew exactly what you were doin'.  You told me to come home and pack for all of us.  You knew I thought that included me.  You knew my suitcase dreams and that I have dreamed forever to get out of this county.  What did I ever do to you to make you so hateful and mean to me?"  I finally had his attention and there was disbelief on Clayton's face.  For once I didn't care. 

Let him kill me is what I thought.  The silence of years was finally penetrated and I could not stop my words.  "I am sorry that you feel I ruined your life, but I have been paying for it for the past forty-four years and I am done!  You need to face that May did not want you.  You messed up, not me.  I am tired of being punished for your mistake.  Don't you realize you've ruined my life too?"

The features on Clayton's face contorted as his disbelief turned to rage.  He stood and walked toward me, backing me to the wall.  He grabbed my arms tight and lifted me off the ground.   "You stupid, stupid woman.  Shut your fool mouth.  You might as well forget your stupid suitcase dreams, cause I will make sure you never leave this county."

He moved his face so close to mine his features became blurry, and I could feel his beer stench breath on my cheek with every word.  "You have ruined my life, but I am stuck with you, 'til death do us part.  You best know I'm gonna make sure I ruin yours too."  He then lifted me up higher and threw me to the ground.  "Now go get me another beer," he said as he walked back to the recliner and sat down.

The wind was knocked out of me, but I knew if I did not get up quickly and get him his beer, worse would come.  My fear had returned.  I went and got him his beer, then quietly slipped upstairs where I released all my sadness into my pillow. 

Oh how much sadness my pillow had accepted over the years.  I decided that at least I would have a few days of total solitude.  No Clayton, no Eli, no Wayne, no Mary Ellen, and no Wesley.  That thought was calming in and of itself.

"It would be nice if they never came back," I thought.  "Maybe they will be in a plane crash, or a car accident."  I shook my head, ashamed of myself.  "Oh, that's so morbid.  There's gotta be a better way to get out of this situation than to have my family killed off." 

I took a deep breath, then laughed.  "Oh, but I'm sorry God.  After all Clayton's done to me, I won't shed a tear over his grave.  It'd be okay if you'd strike him with lightnin', or somethin'."

I pulled open the nightstand drawer and grabbed a few postcards.  "Ireland, Austria, Milan.  Oh Pauline, you're so lucky.  I can't live like this anymore.  I gotta figure this out.  They'll be gone for five days.  Surely in five days I can figure somethin' out.  I don't care how I get away, but I have to get away."

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