Eulogy 001 - for a suicide

Suicide Eulogy

The phone rang and my daughter said

her partner's brother at 21 years of age

had killed himself the night before

in some lonely spot with a hose

from the exhaust pipe into the car

And the funeral would be dreadful

for what on earth can anyone say

and the dreadful

shock and the horror

just won't go away

I replied

for her not to mouth

hollow platitudes to anyone

nor to take sides in the blame game

soon to be raging

to crucify the mother and father

two sisters and remaining son

but merely

to be there with a listening ear

and to give a comforting hug

when the dam wall of shock

broke and the tears

smashed down to grab

by the throat and savage

any song of life

And not to be afraid to use

the dead boy's name

beside the waiting grave

and at the terrible wake

for his life and memory

are in his name

Yet after I'd hung up the phone

I wondered about what possible eulogy

could be spoken of one so young

who in black despair sought out

and kissed Death on the mouth

What words could comfort

or soften the brutal

blaming to come

or erase the seething guilt

tearing asunder the minds

and hearts standing numb

beside the coffin waiting

next to the open grave

and what closure

could there possibly be?

Were I the mother or father

or sister or brother

then this is what I might say:

'My dear, darling boy

for you the soft darkness came

and upon us

a dreadful night now has fallen

yet our bursting hearts

can but hope and trust

that angels have found

the spot where you

slumbered in the deep

and sang softly to you

and rocked you

and cradled you

in loving arms

'And with gentle hands

raised you up into the Light

and carried you safely

to the Lord of Love

with whom you now walk

hand in hand

in the loving

and golden halls

of Our Father

'Look down upon us

dear son and dearest brother

and see us who loved you so

but perhaps forgot to say it

often enough to sooth

away your hurts

'Darling boy

forgive us our shortcomings

and have mercy on us

who would now gladly give

all that we have for

you to be standing here

beside us again

so that each of us could do

what we forgot to do before

and for us to undo

that which might unwittingly

have caused you pain

'We did not mean to hurt you

by word or deed or forgetfulness

for we do love you so

and we now weep

for what might have been

'But yet

we will meet again in golden light

where there is no sorrow

nor tears waiting yet to fall

and in those halls of Light

we will run to you

and embrace you

and kiss you from the heart

for you are still our dear son

and our precious brother

and we do love you so

'As surely as there is a tomorrow

we will meet again

for such is promised by all our hearts

and God has ordained it so

'Till then rest easy

in gracious peace

you darling boy'