The Red Suitcase, Part Two

The Red Suitcase, Part Two

See Part One here

I was a shy teenager.  I didn't have a lot of friends.  Being pulled in and out of school did not help.  Rumors would go around that the baby at home was mine, not my Momma's.  It made making friends difficult.  I clung to my sister Pauline, who was a year younger than me.  

Pauline was not as shy and would often defend me.  "If you dummies would think for one darn minute you'd realize that Tangie was thin as a rail when she left school three weeks ago.  I don't know about you, but I ain't seen a baby come outta any girl that thin before.  Barbara, you seen my Momma in town and you know she was bigger'n a house and you know that baby is Momma's not Tangie's.  So ya'll hush now.  Tangie was just home helpin' Momma."

Pauline was more like my best friend than my sister.  We did everything together.  She was a sophomore and I was a junior in high school.  Clayton was a senior.  I heard he had broken up with May Trawick, but I never imagined he would come talk to me. 

It was lunchtime.  Pauline and I were eating our meager brownbag meal.  Clayton came over to the table.  "Hello ladies, mind if I sit down?"  He was so handsome.  I was so shy.  I was dumbfounded for a moment or two before I actually said yes.

Clayton put his tray of food down and sat beside me.  "You're Tangie Goodwin, we have algebra together, right?"

I looked down at my half eaten sandwich, unable to eat anymore in front of Clayton.  I could not look at him either.  I nodded.

"I've noticed you're real smart.  Always answerin' Mrs. Caudle's questions right the first time, all in your head and everythin'.  And you're so perty too.  Anyone ever tell you that you have the most beautiful blue eyes?"

My heart was racing and I smiled.  No one, no boy my age at least, had ever paid such a compliment to me.  "Just my Momma, mainly."  Wow, did that sound dumb or what?  Here he was calling me smart and all I could think to say was "Just my Momma, mainly."

"Well, I'd imagine a perty girl like you'd have a date to the prom already.  Am I right?"  Clayton asked.

I turned to look at him, not sure I could find my voice.  I just wanted to melt in his arms.  His big, muscular tan arms, and run my fingers through his thick, dark brown hair.  I don't know that there were too many girls who did not have a crush on that popular senior. 

Surely I must have been dreaming that he was talking to me about the prom.  I was not an ugly girl, this I knew.  But we were a poor family.  Fancy clothes and make-up I did not have.  I felt I could not compare to so many other girls Clayton could have chosen. 

"No one has asked me to the prom."  I finally replied.  Still kicking myself for not sounding more interesting.  I guess it was interesting enough though, because Clayton did not back off.

"Well, it just so happens I'm available too.  I'd be mighty pleased if I could take a delicate flower like you to the prom."  He took my hand and kissed it.  It was so romantic.  Like the movies that Pauline and I would go see in town once a month.  He was a charmer, and he knew exactly what to do to get me. 

"I'd love too," I replied.  The bell rang and we went off to our separate classes.  I did not learn a thing the rest of the day.  I was already daydreaming.  Clayton's family was college educated and fairly wealthy, for our county's standards at least. 

I pictured Clayton and I dating through college, traveling the world, and then perhaps marrying one day.  We would be different than both our parents.  We would get out of this area.  We would see the world.  I was so excited about my date with Clayton.  I allowed myself to pin a lot of hopes and dreams to him. 

Momma and Daddy were excited too.  The Burkefield's were a well to do family in the county.  Daddy saw it as a chance to marry off his daughter and have one less mouth to feed.  Momma saw the same things I did in Clayton – a chance to have a different future for me than what she had. 

Daddy allowed $5 for fabric for my prom dress.  That was a lot considering much of our clothes were made from flour sacks.  Momma and I worked hard and made the most beautiful pink taffeta gown. 

Momma even used some of her egg money to get me blush and lipstick to wear.  I pinned up my blond hair in ringlets and did my best with the make-up.  I thought I looked the prettiest I had ever.  I hoped Clayton would think the same.

Momma walked in and stood behind me.  I was sitting at the vanity in the room I shared with my sisters.  She reached around and placed a string of pearls around my neck.  "You look so beautiful, Tangela Marie.  These were your Grandma Lucille's.  She gave them to me, as her oldest daughter, when I went on my first date with your Daddy.  Now I'm passing them on to you."  She leaned down and kissed me on the head. 

"Thank ya, Momma."  I fondled the pearls and looked up at my Momma lovingly.  I heard a knock at the door and immediately butterflies and jitters kicked in.  "Oh Momma, I'm so scared."

"It's okay, sugar pie.  You'll be just fine."  She grabbed my hand and helped me stand up, then gave the dress a once over to make sure there were no stray threads and that it looked right.  "You look beautiful darlin'.  Now," she reached in her pocket and pulled out a quarter, "in case you need it."  She raised her eyebrows and nodded her head, then smiled.  

As we walked downstairs, Clayton and my Daddy stood up.  I could see the relief on Clayton's face that I had come to end Daddy's inquisition.  He looked incredibly handsome in his black suit, like one of the movie stars.  He handed me a pink corsage and I placed it on my wrist.  Momma insisted on pictures by the dogwood tree.  

After the pictures, Daddy walked up to Clayton and placed his hand on his left shoulder.  "You have my girl back 'ere by eleven, young man, ya understand?" My father had a very serious look on his face and a tight grip on Clayton's shoulder. 

"Yes sir, I understand."  Clayton smiled and took my hand.  Daddy let go and we walked over to the car.  Clayton opened my door and I got in.  I knew he was so glad to be gone.  My Daddy could be a very intimidating man. 

We went to Mrs. Lucy's in Salisbury, where we met up with four other couples that were friends with Clayton.  I had never eaten at a fancy restaurant, except when Aunt Fran came down from New York to visit and took the whole family out to dinner.  But that was not formal.  I felt awkward but excited, and oh so shy. 

At seven thirty we went to the school where the prom was held.  As we danced, I had trouble keeping Clayton from touching and kissing me.  I liked it at first.  I liked the attention.  I was a good girl though, and didn't want to let things go too far.  Clayton was handsome though, and I had all those dreams – those suitcase dreams now included him.  I was quite silly over the boy. 

It wasn't long until I noticed that Clayton was irritated about something, and that his kisses seemed somewhat awkwardly timed.  Finally I saw out of the corner of my eye the object of his irritation, and I realized I was but a pawn.  May Twawick was about twenty feet away, dancing with her new boyfriend, Andy Hodgson.  She'd catch Clayton's attention with a kiss to her new beau, and then Clayton would react and kiss me. 

I wanted to cry.  I wanted to disappear.  All my hopes and dreams dashed in a second.  Clayton did not really want me.  He just needed me to show May he had someone too.  He was not over her.  "Clayton, I wanna go home please."

Clayton pulled back from me and grabbed my wrists.  "What? We just got here, what do you mean you wanna go home?" 

"Clayton, it is obvious to me that you're still in love with May and you're just using me to make her jealous.  I won't be used like that.  Please take me home now."

"You're not goin' home, Tangie.  You're bein' ridiculous.  Of course I like you.  Come on now, let's have a good time."  Clayton tried to pull me close to him again to continue dancing, but I pulled back.  

"Clayton, no.  I wanna go home.  If you won't take me, I have some money and I will just go call my Daddy to come get me."  

"Tangie, look, I'm real sorry.  I have acted terrible.  Yes, seein' May with someone else has made me jealous, but I ain't in love with her anymore.  I do like you, a lot.  You're so beautiful.  Those gorgeous blue eyes and that beautiful blond hair.  May ain't got nothin' on you.  I want to forget May and get to know you.  I'm sorry for how I been actin'."  He looked at me like a sad puppy dog.

Looking back now, I kick myself for being so gullible.  I just so wanted Clayton to be my knight in shining armor that would take me out of Rowan County and into the world.  With that little speech of his, my dreams came back again.  I was a sweet little 16-year-old girl who believed a man could save her, and thought this man would be different than the men she had seen in her life. 

At that point Clayton did seem different.  Those big brown eyes melted my heart.  He looked like the men from the movies, and they were the kind that made dreams come true.  Plus, the touch from him ignited feelings in me I had never felt before.  I wanted to explore those feelings.  "Okay Clayton, I'll give you a second chance."

Clayton smiled and leaned in to kiss me lightly on the lips.  "Listen, let's get everybody together and head over to Pebble Beach.  I know you and I aren't ready to do anything yet, but it would get us away from here and more importantly, away from May.  We can sit and talk, or walk around the lake.  How's that sound?"

I smiled.  It sounded incredibly romantic.  And he seemed to be respectful.  He knew I was a good girl, and he sounded like he would respect that.  With that, I liked him even more.  "That sounds great." 

Clayton put his arm around me, "Well all right then, let's go."

The evening at Pebble Beach was romantic, and Clayton was a gentleman.  On our drive home, I started to tell him about my suitcase dreams, and he thought it sounded great.  That hooked me in even more.  At the doorstep, Clayton paused a moment, a bit nervous.  "Tangie, would you like to go out again, say on Friday?"

I was so relieved to hear him ask that question.  "Well, I'll have to ask Daddy, but I'd love to." 

"Okay, then I guess I'll see you on Monday.  Maybe we can have lunch together?"

I felt like I would explode, I was so excited.  "That would be nice.  Real nice."  Clayton then leaned in and gave me a kiss goodnight.  It was shorted by Daddy's loud footsteps.  We both laughed.  "Bye!" I said, as I opened the door and went inside.  I felt like I was walking on air. 

I ran upstairs.  Pauline was waiting to hear how everything went.  I excitedly told her everything about the date, as I got ready for bed.  Lying in bed, we continued to whisper; creating suitcase dreams until we were so tired we could not talk any longer. 

Clayton and I dated for the next three weeks.  In addition to him taking me out to the movies and dinner one or two nights a week, we ate lunch together every day at school.  I fell so hard for him.  

He knew how to woo me.  He brought me flowers on every date.  He opened doors, pulled out chairs, and whatnot, just as a proper southern gentleman should.  I thought for sure I had met my knight.

Graduation came, and the seniors had a party at Pebble Beach.  Over recent dates, Clayton had begun to pressure me to sleep with him, but I had told him no.  That night, alcohol was added to the picture for the first time, and things were a bit different. 

We were lying on a blanket by the lake, in a secluded area, both looking up at the stars.  "Come on Tangie, if you really loved me, you'd do it." 

"Clayton, I told you before I'm not that kind of girl.  You know my dreams.  I want a marriage.  But I want to travel the world.  I have my suitcase dreams, and I would love for them to be with you.  But sex is for marriage, and it also brings on babies.  Babies will saddle us down and ruin those suitcase dreams." 

Clayton leaned on his right elbow and looked down at my face. "Tangie, I love you.  I just graduated from high school, and I am goin' off to college in the fall.  That means we'll be apart.  I need to know that you really love me."

"I do really love you, Clayton.  Can't you just take my word?  Ask me to marry you and I will.  Will that show you I love you?" 

Clayton smiled.  "I have a rubber to make sure we don't make a baby.  If I ask you to marry me tonight, will you make love to me?" 

I sighed, feeling the pressure.  Clayton kissed my neck and then up to my ear.  It felt so good.  "Okay, as long as we are getting engaged, then I will."  That was all Clayton needed to hear.  It is amazing how easily you will change your priorities in the throes of passion.  Not even the throes – just the throe.  Boy, if I could turn back time.

Two weeks later, Clayton came over.  I thought for sure it was to ask my Daddy for my hand in marriage and to give me my engagement ring.  I was wrong.  We went and sat on the bench swing in the yard. 

"Tangie," he began, "May broke up with Andy.  I realize she's the love of my life, and I have a second chance with her that I cain't pass up.  I'm real sorry to do this to ya, but I cain't marry you."

I was speechless.  All I could do was get up and run.  I didn't know where I was running to, but I wanted to get away.  Again, my suitcase dreams were dashed.  

It took a few weeks to get over Clayton, but slowly I did.  I decided I would have suitcase dreams without him.  Who needs a man anyway, I figured.  Sure, his money would have helped me get to places a bit sooner, but if I worked hard and went to college, I could fulfill my own suitcase dreams.  

By the end of summer though, I realized there was a bigger problem.  In my journal that I wrote in daily, I always placed a little red dot on the days when I had my period.  As I flipped through, I saw no red dots all summer long.  I began crying.  

Momma walked by and heard me.  "What's wrong, sugar pie?" 

It was the hardest thing to do, to tell my Momma what I was afraid of being true.  I knew that she would know what to do.  I knew she would help me.  I showed her the journal entries.  "Momma he said he would use a rubber.  He said we'd get married, and we only did it one time!"

"Did you see him stop and put on the rubber?" she asked. 

I thought about it.  I had just trusted him.  I assumed that he had taken care of it.  I had never had sex before, and Momma had never talked to me about it at all, so I did not know what to expect.  And I'd kept my eyes firmly off what was going on down there.  I could have kicked myself when I realized what had most likely happened.  "No, I didn't make sure he did it.  Oh Momma, what am I gonna do?  He's with May now." 

Momma gave me a hug and I cried on her shoulder.  "Hush now.  You're not the first to get in this predicament.  I never told you this, but if you wanted, you could've figured it out yourself.  I was pregnant with you when Daddy and I got married."

I was shocked at this revelation.  "You were?  What did you do?"

"Well, we were already engaged, but we weren't supposed to get married for three more months.  So, we just changed the date of the weddin'.  Most people figured it all out, but were too polite to say anythin', to our faces at least.  Eventually no one cared."

 "Oh Momma, but you and Daddy were already engaged.  Clayton is with May."

Momma smiled and pulled me close to her.  "You go tell Clayton you're carrin' his child and he'll do ya right.  Clayton's a good boy Tangie.  Comes from a good family.  They won't let him do ya wrong."

I looked at Momma with tears in my eyes.  "What will ya tell Daddy?"  I knew I could trust Momma to do the telling to Daddy.  He'd take it better that way.

"I'll tell him the truth.  He'll fight for your honor.  Don't you worry." She smiled and hugged me again.

Well, Daddy did fight for my honor, but he lost all respect for me.  It was not so much honor he was fighting for.  It was he not wanting to have yet another mouth to feed.  Momma was pregnant again, and he struggled enough to feed and clothe his own children. 

Clayton denied the baby could be his, at first, stating he did wear a rubber.  May believed me though and broke up with him.  She said that any man that would not support his own child was no man for her.  "I know you don't like rubbers, Clayton," May told him, "and now you have to pay for that.  Your little game never worked with me, and I guess you found someone it would work on. But now you gotta live with the results."

Clayton's family quickly informed him that he would be marrying me, or he would lose his portion of the inheritance.  It was made clear that he was expected to have a traditional southern marriage. Until death do you part - and that death better not be fishy.

Clayton's Daddy laid out the rules in no uncertain terms. Clayton would not be going to college, but would be starting work in the family's construction business immediately.  It would not be in a cushy office job that a college degree would get him.  He would actually be employed as one of the construction workers. 

It was just as clear that Clayton's Daddy had lost all respect for him, as mine had for me.  The only difference was that Clayton's Daddy lived a lot longer to lord it over him than mine ever did.  And Clayton's Daddy had a lot more power to lord it over him.  Clayton couldn't fight back to his Daddy so he took it out on me whenever possible.  He knew his limits though.

We had a quiet wedding with family at Faith Baptist Church.  Clayton's family was so ashamed that hardly anyone attended.  My family was there.  Pauline was my bridesmaid.  She wore my pink taffeta dress.  I wore Momma's cream-colored wedding gown.  I had hoped that I could make Clayton happy, make him forget May, remember the feelings he had for me.  The look I received from him that day told me I had another thing coming.

 Please comment below, then go to Part Three