It's Possible for a Religion to Thrive Without the Threat of Murder

 At worship on Sunday, a man stood up and asked for forgiveness for his sins. I said we should murder him for his transgressions, but I was shouted down. Later, it was noted that someone was no longer in attendance, and it was suggested that we contact him and pray for him. I asked that, if he won't come back to our religion, should we behead him and cut him to pieces. I was told, "No."

 "Well, what about kneecapping him?" I inquired. They answered that Jesus would be against that. When I asked why we care what Jesus thinks, they just said they'd pray for me and seemed to ignore me after that.

 So I turned to my lovely and talented wife SarahK and asked, "What is this crazy religion you keep dragging me to? It has all these rules about not doing fun stuff because they're 'sins,' but how do they expect to keep people in line without the threat of murder?"

 "You shut up, goofy-goof, or I won't make you cookies tonight," SarahK answered.

 I decided to get the bottom of this. Luckily, the teachings of Jesus - The Bible - were available for free on the internet, and no one was threatening to sue the sites for revealing the secrets of Christianity. Now, people were always getting right in the Jesus guy's face, so I knew he'd eventually wreak vengeance on his enemies. But I searched for "strangle," "behead," and, "kick to the crotch" and couldn't find Jesus using any violence to get people doing what he told them. Then, I finally stumbled upon a passage where Jesus flips out in a temple and starts knocking over tables. I've seen enough action movies to know this is the part where Jesus finally snaps, pulls out his dual .45s, and takes out everyone in need of a kill'n. I was wrong. He doesn't kill anyone - not even a gut punch. Eventually, he gets killed without even putting up a fight. Seriously, Michael Bay couldn't do a thing with this story.

 So how did Christianity get started? I assumed next came Jesus' followers avenging their leader's death and getting people to follow them at spear point. Nope. They just hid from those trying to kill them while peacefully building up followers.

 And this religion is still around two thousand years later?

 I know; it's weird. Most people are used to religion only working if death is threatened; why else would one want to follow a bunch of restrictive rules if there isn't any danger that you'll be cut to pieces? Apparently, Christianity uses this whole "salvation" thing to attract people - the carrot instead of the stick. So, if I get things right, I can sin and blaspheme all I want - swearing, doing drugs, and fornicating - and no one will murder me.

 SarahK informed me that this was incorrect, as she would murder me, but she herself would be sinning. So, not only is murder in support of Christianity not encouraged, it itself is a sin. This wasn't always well known, though, and some people long long ago murdered people for not being Christians. That causes problems today, as people will say, "While other religions murder people now, some people a hundred million years ago murdered people in the name of Christianity, so Christianity is just the same."

 And you might respond, "But that was very long ago and went against the principles of Christianity and thus is condemned."

 And the person will rebut, "Yes, but I'm a moral retard who equivocates everything. As far as I'm concerned, A is the same as Z."

 And there is no response to that.

 So, not only is murder completely condemned by Christianity, the fact that anyone would murder in the name of Christ is considered harmful to the religion.

 Despite these insane, murder-phobic beliefs, Christianity still seems to thrive. "Good living" and "salvation" apparently is enough to keep people faithful to a religion. Actually, it makes one wonder that, if "not being murdered" is the main selling point of your religion, maybe you should rethink the whole thing.

Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us . He is also the author of such books as "I'll Murder You if You Don't Buy This Book!" and "What Jesus Wouldn't Do - The Frank J. Story".