If She Suffers In Silence

Your piece is powerful. More powerful than the silence she suffers, more powerful than the resistance suffered by those who endure in silence.

Very meaningful and insightful poem that sends a strong message that unfourtunately is all to true in today's society. Well said.
Felix

Reality is always staggering. Powerfully poignant.

Thank you for reminding us of the silent problem of battered women. If only more people were as astute as you!

Thanks, everyone, for caring about this problem. I walked around with black eyes for six months once (I was choked, and the bruising from broken blood vessels in the eyes and head last much longer than a normal punch), and you wouldn't believe how many people turn their heads to avoid making eye contact. I was a person with high esteem, tons of strength, and plenty of fight and this affected me. I can't imagine how anyone with less strength could bear the experience.

Sandy,

I have seen this problem first hand. My father was an abusive alcoholic. We loved him when he was sober, but grew up in fear of him when he had been drinking. My mother had black eyes, bruises, concusions, and ever other injury you could think of. She indured it for over twenty years. My father was always sorry afterwards. It however effected my mother and brother and myself in ways that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. Thank you for bringing this into the light. For showing others that it is not something that we should ignore. It takes a lot of bravery to show yourself in this light. Trust me.. my mother still hides behind the belief that it was not all that bad. Thank you from the bottom of myheart.

Very powerful Sandy. I am somewhat surprised you, of all people, put up with it.

This really made me want to cry. If you've read any of my poems, you know why. Geez.
Will humankind ever get - kind???

Your poem brought tears to my eyes as I remembered every women who passed through the doors of the shelter I worked in...but the saddest memories involved those women I saw pass through that door on more than one occasion.

Thank you for writing this. I can understand what Lisa said about the problem of the battered woman and how it affects her and the people around her fo the rest of their lives. I have found this to be true. My father and mother are both dead but the pain and after-effects live on in me and my siblings. I am glad you spoke up about this important issue which still exists.

Very moving, Sandy. Thank you for sharing.

Lisa, I'm sorry you had to live through this. My mother came from an alcoholic, abusive home (she's still in denial about it) and my father had seen plenty of fighting, also. Consequently, they vowed to never put their children through that - and lived up to that vow. I can count on one hand the number of spats they had in my presence, and I mean spats - far from a real argument even. My children weren't so lucky. My second husband was an alcoholic, and we went way beyond spatting.

Nancy, good question. I like that - will humankind every get kind?

Christina, the shelter is a life-changing experience, on both sides. Thanks for the work you do.

Clare and Linda - thank you - the comments make me

Stephen, I might not have stated my situation clearly. Those black eyes were from the same incident, not six months worth of being choked. I was choked one time, there wasn't a whole lot I could do while being choked, but as soon as I got to the hospital I asked for the police and pressed charges - which threw me into a year long situation with a legal system that seemed more abusive than the actual assault... but that's another story. I did stay married much longer than I should have to my alcoholic husband, but he was constantly in treatment and trying to improve his life so I stayed until I knew I had done all I could to help him, and my strength was waning. He was not the person who choked me.

Sandy,

the strength and devotion it takes to stay in the relationship and help the other person is amazing. I have always felt that although I have seen horrible things, this person was never my father. He died of cancer when I was 21.. as soon as he found out that he had cancer he never drank again. For three months, i had the father of my dreams. Alcohol is a horrible thing.. it makes people capable of things that would never be in their true nature. You are a survivor, You are also a soldier, you fought for the person you loved, sometimes it is just too hard to save them from themselves. I never understood things as a child, once i became an adult I realized that I was proud of my mother for fighting a losing battle to save my father. I too never drink, my brother however is an alcoholic, it is amazing how we either stay completley away from the pattern or follow it so close. You have written something here that so many can relate to. It is a needed reality. I admire your strength and my prayers are with anyone who is going through this. If anyone reads this and needs an ear to their situation, then please send me a message. I would gladley listen and offer any help I can.

Amazing piece, Sandy. I commented in another article like this to you. I suggested that you may want to consider getting your book republished if it is out of print. I would add that you should preface the reprinting with this poem. You are another of these very unique and special people that are so very rare and wonderful. Thank you for your insight and heart. Blessings upon you...

This occurs simply too often, much too often, and there's really no logical explanation for it, is there?

Lisa. I'm happy you broke the cycle. It's sad, and confusing how two siblings can live through the same thing and end up on opposite extremes.

Joyce, thanks for you kindness. I have wanted to rewrite that book, since it was my first and I've learned a great deal more about writing and believe I could do it better. I will check into it, and either rewrite it or find out the old version is still available. I haven't seen a royalty check in some time, so I'm not sure what the status is.

Bryan, nice to see you! And, yes, too often and there is no logical explanation. As much as I'd love to believe there is hope for everyone who wants it, I've watched a few people fight with everything they had to overcome some things, and it appears it wasn't possible for them. I think maybe those people came to this life to teach the rest of us something - compassion? How to be strong ourselves? How not to falll into the same pattern?

No more kindness than you deserve, Sandy. I wasn't being kind - I was being truthful. I meant every word. Again, Blessings on you!

This is a great poem Sandy - very powerful. You may want to consider joining and postingthis to Lisa Lundin's Survivor's Forum Group here at Gather. survivorsforum.gather.com - it is perfect for there. I truly think something like this is marketable - you should look into publishing it in a magazine or book. Good luck!

Thank you, Monica, for your kind comments. Actually, this poem was published in my first novel. Each chapter started with a poem, and this (or some form of it - been a long time since I looked at that book) was one of them. I pulled it back out after seeing an article or comment here on Gather that seemed to open the door for it. I'll check out the group (and all that deal with this topic), but admit I have to be extremely careful about joining groups on this topic. My thoughts on domestic abuse tend to be atypical, and the subject often doesn't lend itself to outside-the-box discussions without hurting feelings. Thanks for the heads-up on the group, and I will definately look in to see if I have anything to offer.

sandy,
what a powerful poem!
the last line says it all:people deny because they need to have a fake version of the world, see the media success..how many sitcoms talk about domestic violence.
According to the U.N. 1 out of 3 women will suffer abuse in her lifetime.
the problems is the cyle nature of abuse and let us be clear it need not be as a result of too much drinking..i guess drinking takes away inhibitions which explains it but from my experience it takes a group-a family for ex- to keep the system of abuse going..denial ,denial,denial can not be said enough.
You have to search a lot to find a book on the subject ..how can i order yours?
i recently read "black and blue " by quindlin which speaks of abuse but dramatises it.
Abuse does not mean black eyes or broken bones though of course it includes that too,
but most of the time abuse comes where there is silence!
Silence is like acceptance.
Lundin's surivvors' forum is a good place.
I would say there is a need to speak out but is there a listening ear?

Sigalit - thanks! Love having the stats here. I agree with you about Black and Blue - I was a bit disappointed. And I especially love that you added the comments about abuse not meaning black eyes and broken bones. One of the things that made me think most after my experience was the number of people who offered sympathy for me, but didn't realize they were in abusive situations themselves. I realized then, I'd rather have the snot knocked out of me once than live through years of verbal and emotional abuse. I'd prefer NEITHER of course, but given the choice, I think the years of psychological pain would be worse. And thank you again for SILENCE IS LIKE ACCEPTANCE!! I agree with this statement, on every issue.

Sandy, your poem was so powerful, and it's good to hear more people speaking up on the topic of abuse. Something that was for so many years kept silent. As someone whose been thro' both verbal & physical abuse in two marriages,, neither is right or acceptable, and neither is easy to live with especially when you're living in fear of making the wrong moves, doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, dealing with threats....and awaiting the next blow. Living in fear is not easy or right, and it stays with you for a very long time.

Thank you, Dawn, for the compliment and for speaking out.

I've noticed, with this and other topics, often if one person has the courage to speak, many others will join. It's surprising sometimes how much we all have in common, and might never know until that one moment when the silence is broken.. and what a comfort it is then to know we aren't alone, in our thoughts, fears, opinions... lives. I am literally an open book, for this reason. If sharing any experience I've had will encourage others to release their pain, or help them in any way, I believe that gives my experience purpose. I'm happy to meet others, like you, who are willing to do the same.