The Political Debate in America

as presented by Conservative Media Conglomerate, Inc.

(transcript by AstroGirl)

REPUBLICAN: I think marriage should be only between a man and a woman, so I'm going to introduce a constitutional amendment to stop gays from marrying.

DEMOCRAT: I also think marriage should only be between a man and woman, but I think that decision should be up to the states.

REPUBLICAN: Liberal!

DEMOCRAT: I think we should fully support the war on terror, and give law enforcement all the tools they need to arrest terrorists, even if it means that everyday Americans lose some of their civil liberties.

REPUBLICAN: I think we should do all that too, but I think we should spy on everyday Americans, just in case they are terrorists, and I think we should torture anyone we even suspect until they confess.

DEMOCRAT: But maybe, since due process is guaranteed by the Constitution and all, we ought to let suspected terrorists have lawyers and a fair trial.

REPUBLICAN: Liberal!

DEMOCRAT: Well, maybe I did just go a bit far. Thanks for calling me on that.

REPUBLICAN: I think we should stay the course in Iraq.

DEMOCRAT: I think we should stay the course in Iraq too.

REPUBLICAN: But I think we should kill and torture more people than you do, you hippie peacenik liberal. Furthermore, I think we should totally ignore health care. After all, in America, we have the best health care lots of money can buy.

DEMOCRAT: I think we should ignore health care too, but maybe the really big companies should continue to pay for health care for their employees.

REPUBLICAN: Whoa! You're getting dangerously close there to (gasp!) socialized medicine! Who's going to pay for that? Rich people like me shouldn't have to pay any taxes!

DEMOCRAT: Rich people like me shouldn't have to pay any taxes either, but may be we should give the middle-class a bit of a break too.

REPUBLICAN: Liberal!

DEMOCRAT: I think we should give 97% of the federal budget to the Department of Defense and use the other 3% for social services, including road repair.

REPUBLICAN: 3%? A whole 3%? Don't you know there are bad guys everywhere, who would love to take America down? Some of them are even hiding under my bed! I think we should give 99% of the federal budget to the Department of Defense and give the other 1% to Wal-Mart.

DEMOCRAT: Would you like me to check under your bed for terrorists?

REPUBLICAN: Would you?

(DEMOCRAT goes and checks.)

DEMOCRAT: It's only a mouse.

REPUBLICAN: Liberal!

Comments: 7

Beryl Singleton Bissell Mar 23, 2006, 1:28pm EST

Looks like we might need a third party???!!!! One that represents us.??!!!

reply to this comment

Laura Serena aka AstroGirl Mar 23, 2006, 1:40pm EST

One that represents us? What would that be like? Wow! You radical thinker, you.

reply to this comment

Ron Hall Mar 23, 2006, 5:17pm EST

I think if we had a Democratic president the past 5 years, we would be in Afghanistan (but not Iraq), gas would be $1.50 and Ken Ley would already be in jail. Unless I'm wrong about that, there is a real difference there. With that said, I do share your frustration.

reply to this comment

Laura Serena aka AstroGirl Mar 23, 2006, 6:04pm EST

Ron, I almost always vote for Democrats (except for one or two 3rd party candidate votes in my whole life). Until very recently I would have also said there was a difference, every time. I still think pretty much all the Democrats are at least marginally better than the Republicans and many of the Democrats who aren't the party leadership are MUCH better than Republicans. I am just very frustrated with the national Democratic party going along with the Republicans on many of the most important issues, refusing to oppose the Patriot Act, refusing to present a real alternative to war, and presenting conservatives like HIllary Clinton as the party "leadership."

I can name many, many Democrats that I truly admire, but they are not the people being presented as the party leadership on TV. My comment on the media may have been too subtle, but I also meant this as a comment on who the media presents as representing the Democratic party (that's why it's "as presented by Conservative Media Conglomerate, Inc.)

Thanks for your comment. I do know there's a difference, really. I just wish the Democrats would show it more often and more emphatically.

reply to this comment

Ron Hall Mar 23, 2006, 6:22pm EST

I used to be a Republican, though for the life of me I don't know why except that I was born into a Republican household. I left that party because they couldn't make their mind up who the "enemy" was (alternately and simultaneously supporting Saddam and Iran). When they sent missiles to Iran, I gave up. The same situation exists today when they don't say a peep about the Pakistani scientist sending nuclear secrets to North Korea. The hypocricy is so very thick. So, I'm now an old-fashioned Yellow Dog Demorcat. I will never ever vote Republican again. In fact, the only Republican I was ever old enough to vote for was John Anderson, who ran for president in 1979.

reply to this comment

Laura Serena aka AstroGirl Mar 23, 2006, 6:46pm EST

I hear ya. My frustration comes from being a progressive/liberal who is just tired of not being adequately represented by anyone on the national level (and I know an awful lot of people who agree with me on most issues, so it's not like we're too tiny of a minority to worry about). I would never vote for a Republican either. In fact, I'm allergic to them. ;-)

reply to this comment

Gisela S. Mar 23, 2006, 7:04pm EST

Heavy sigh - eyes cast skyward, "That's why I registered as an Independent."

reply to this comment

The Political Debate in America

Comments: 7

Join the Conversation

You might also like

More by Laura Serena aka AstroGirl