Everyone comes into this world with a clean slate. Brand new, fresh, without guilt or sin! This is the way we all step in. But all good things come to an end, eventually. I was no different than any infant or toddler. I was quite comfortable just chilling out and going through the motions. By all accounts, I didn't make much noise, demonstrated adequate coping skills, and interacted well with peers.
In between a sister 11 months older and another sister 18 months younger, I fitted nicely. I'm third oldest of eight, four brothers and three sisters, with parents, many relatives, and a large community network. A fifth brother was raised in a different household, but that's my father's story to tell.
I received much love and affection from this initial moment, sharing everything from baby bottles to bunk beds. Like an assembly line, we automatically passed down clothes, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, baseball gloves, and paper routes. We argued regularly, but fought extremely hard against the neighborhood kids.
I made mistakes very early in my life because I was willing to try a different course or approach to a situation. For example, learning the art of shopping was a major accomplishment for me. I was responsible for purchasing the food for the family. I enjoyed pushing the cart through the supermarket, selecting items, and trying to manage the household finances. I sought the discounts, as well as the sales and the bargains, which eventually led to changing the price tags. It certainly was empowering!
Who am I, really? Cutting corners and trying to get something for nothing placed me on dead-end streets and many back alleys. Though I didn't want to be there, I was unsure about the way to detour. Suggestions fell on deaf ears! I found myself attracted to people, places, and situations that were not in my best interest.
Time does change things, especially people. It's gradual, continuous, and non-discriminatory. As one grows and develops, older labels and habits may disappear while new ones take their place. A nickname, for example, a style of walking and personal interests will change over the years. An older gentleman does not respond favorably to being called "boy"; a high-school student who had quit then returned to graduate will never again have "drop out" shine on his forehead. Does a juvenile delinquent necessarily transition from punk to prisoner? The past may influence the current status, but the future will always remain a mystery.
If a person continues to be judged for youthful indiscretions, there is less opportunity to change during the adult years. I dropped out of school at 17, was responsible for the death of a man at 18, and was in Walpole State Prison by 19. Then the real journey began- the journey to discover and define my identity - not by a society who rejected, not by prison authorities who sought to castrate, and not by individuals who tried to manipulate. I was determined to not remain an uneducated teen-age killer in chains for the remainder of my life.
Someone once said, "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." I began to read literature, books, and publications to expand my world view. I examined writings by other prisoners (i.e., Cleaver, Jackson, Rideau) who had made tremendous personal changes and influenced others to challenge obstacles. Then I met some wonderful people both in the cellblock and various local communities who introduced me to religion, philosophy, and political education. Some traveled with me to the big yard, program activity, and the chow hall, where seating reflected urban geographics and race. Through their words, I accompanied others during trips to the Carribean, Southern France, African countries and so many places I've never been.
Prior to 1971, I'd actually never ranged beyond Maine to Maryland. People have brought me to the Million Man March, the historic Middle Passage Expedition, and an array of conferences and workshops throughout the United States. Who am I, really? The response may vary, depending on who is asking the question. Some may refer to the program accomplishments or the achievements in community service. Others may highlight the worst mistakes made across my lifespan, which includes the murder 33 years ago. But I am so much more than that fatal gunshot, and I simply request a few minutes for you to read these words prior to formulating an opinion. This is the way to know me which then qualifies you to respond.
Published on www.edgeboston.com on 01-24-05
Arnie King writes from a Massachusetts prison cell, which he has occupied for 33 years. A petition for commutation of his sentence, with favorable recommendations, awaits Governor Romney's approval. Arnie can be reached at: throughbarbedwire@yahoo.com or by mail c/o Bay State Center, Box 73, Norfolk, MA 02056.
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