MOTHER GOOSE MEETS MOTHER EARTH scene 4 The Country Rat and the City Rat (a modern fable)

The Country Rat and the City Rat

(a modern fable)

Characters: Crunchy Granola –the country rat

Cool Dude –the city rat

Crunch: You know, you'll love this new bean sprout bread I've made. Since I've gone vegetarian, I've become so healthy. I grow everything with absolutely no chemicals. I'm sure glad you came to visit. Pass those sunnies over here and help yourself. Try the veggies.

Cool Dude: Whazzup. Dog?, it's been a long time since I've been here, Crunch. You've made some massive changes here, like totally. Looks like you're trying to go backwards thought.

Crunch: I'm really into my own space here. (gets up) Got a wood burning stove, cut my own wood, and next year I'm trying no-till farming on my fields. I've even got solar panels all over the house. I'ts really nice to be out of the rat race, Cool.

Cool: Couldn't you like—turn up the heat. You know, it's like totally cold in here. Ya got any cheese- like Kraft singles?

Crunch: I got an extra pair of long johns you could put on.

Cool: It's like to die. You expect me to put on a pair of those things?

Crunch: Here, you'll love my homemade farmer cheese. It's absolutely undyed and all organic.

Cool: Oh, barf out. Don't you have anything Atkins to eat around her? You got a shopping mall we could cruise?

Crunch: Actually, it's time to do the evening chores, and then to bed. It's nearly 7:00 and by the time we finish chores, it'll be 8:30. We'll have to go to bed by then. Crack of dawn with the rooster comes pretty early round here, ya know.

Cool: I'm sure. Like we're going to bed before dark. Total bummer. I'll tell you what. I'll help finish the chores, then you come with me back to my pat. The city's like totally awesome.

(Both walk to other side of stage. Country sounds stop and city sounds start, both chatting to each other) You're going to love this joint I eat at. ((walks up to stand)

Crunch: What do you mean? You're really going to eat that stuff. It's got meat and probably chemicals in it. This place is Burger King. They don't even know what a Tofu burger is.

Cool: Hey Man. Whopper beats the Big Mac, like totally!

Crunch: Boy, I don't think I have enough money to last too much longer. This is the egg money for the week. (reaches into pocket)

Cool: You're gonna love this hiphop place at thie other end of the mall. Like rad, I was there last weekend. Grooved for 4 hours. Ate so much popcorn, I nearly barfed out. It was far out. I' mean I'm sure. You're gonna love it there.

Crunch: What kind ofmusic do they play?

Cool: It's where you dance, you know. I mean really.

Crunch: Oh-fiddle music, hoe-down—Willie Nelson stuff.

Cool: Willie Who? You are not "so cool". You're a riot, man, I'm sure. They're goona play all the latest rap and hiphop. (does some dance steps)

Crunch: How much do we need to get in there? (Counts money continually)

Cool: Oh, like maybe 5 for getting in, and like, dude, only 2 bucks cover charge, and $6 or $7 for food. If you're thirsty, that's an extra $4 or $5. Like, we can have a total blast in here. It is so far-out. Crunch dog,, you're going to have a totally awesome evening here at the mall.

Crunch: Hold it! At those prices, you've just spent my entire month's budget. Those cats in there are not getting my money. You may be happy here and call this life totally cool, or whatever you say. I say I'd rather eat my own homemade bread with my own homemade jam, and sit by my wood stove in my itchy woolly long johns than risk my life savings here in this shopping mall.

Cool: Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle—whatever. Peace out, dog.

Crunch: Like totally! See ya round.