While I take the time to feed a colony of perfectly sane feral cats - I've noticed that the wild strays are oddly free of neurotic behaviors.
This leads me to believe that our cats pick up all their weird psychotic overlays of personality from their humans. For whatever reason, cat lovers, TRUE cat lovers equally love to bathe their cat companions with affection and torment.
While snuggling a purring cat is perfectly good fun? True cat officiandos know the real delight in being a cat owner lies in the tormenting of the cat.
In case your cat is feeling the love just a little too often?
Here are some delightful tips to aid you in properly tormenting your cat!
1. Turn over in bed taking most of the covers with you.
2. Use the can opener just as your cat starts to snore.
3.Hang New Curtains after getting him declawed.
4. Look at your cat and yawn.
5. When your cat 'plops' your lap, start exercising him. Kitty leg lifts are the best!
6. Buy him a leash and take him for a walk. Or a drag.
7. The day after he gets home from the vet, take him for another car ride just for fun!
8. Hang a bird feeder outside the window.
9. Blow into his ears when he's sleeping.
10. Use the lint roller down his back.
11. Shut the bedroom door at night.
12. Give your cat a bath.
13. Get out the Vaccuum Cleaner.
14. Buy a new puppy
15. Clip your cat's nails, if they have any left.
16. Take down the Christmas Tree.
17. Get your cat a Lion Cut at PetSmart.
18. Start a mood improvement program with Prozac.
19. Eat the last bit of whatever it is that your cat wanted. Tuna works best for not sharing.
20. Put him on a diet with special expensive food.
21. Randomly shine a flashlight up the wall, then turn it off.
22. Buy your cat a costume or two and play dress up. Our cat looks very sweet in the princess costume we originally bought for the dog.
23. Put the cat chow in the dog's bowl at least once a week.
24. Take your cat with you to the July 4th Fireworks, dressed up and on a leash of course.
rate
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 35
That's a tradition at my house.
Lasar pointers work really well.
my favourite one is "The day after he gets home from the vet, take him for another car ride just for fun!" HAA! Maybe he'll think he'll get his balls stuck back on? The first and only time I've used hazard lights in a car was when i was taking the young lads off to be de-bonked. they musta known somehow and escaped from the feeble, clueless new cat-owner box i had them in and sat under the accelerator and brake pedals for the entire journey.
what a crack up anna!
Unfortunately Spenser loved to wrestle and he drove the other cats nuts. He didn't know when to stop. Kinsey loves to wrestle too. So despite the fact that Spenser is now 24 lbs and Kinsey is older and only 10 lbs, Kinsey nearly always wins. She can beat up Spenser on a regular basis. If he gets too rough, she is much quicker and slimmer and she can run and squeeze into places that Spenser can get into. Spenser is pretty good natured and less crazy than Kinsey. I just think that feral cats just hide their cat neuroses better.
Some of these - too many of these - are EXACTLY the kinds of "loving attentions" inflicted upon my ever-so-innocent person by some of the lovely ladies in my life...SHUDDER!
Substituting "man" for "cat" or "dog" (hmmmm?) as appropriate:
Buy your cat a costume or two and play dress up
- To be fair, this one was kinda fun…sometimes… ;-P
Get your cat a Lion Cut at PetSmart
- The haircut wasn't really all that bad, but the kids were always asking their mommies why I got my hair cut at PetSmart. Inevitably the mommies would reply, "He's a beast, honey."
Start a mood improvement program with Prozac
- Oddly, though I SHOULD have, I never got overly upset about this one.
Put the cat chow in the dog's bowl at least once a week
- No dog. Substitute MY plate here…
Buy him a leash and...
- the SECOND worst indignity (albeit often a necessary one, I'll admit) I've been made to endure,
- and, need I even mention the WORST one?
Look at your cat and yawn!
(The day after he gets home from the vet, take him for another car ride just for fun!
- THIS one, I don't even wanna THINK about...)
This doesn't work so well. Another few times, and he may actually dig himself a cat door!
So what sort of things does a cat that walks around the house all day talking to themself say ?
Oh, the indignities we subject our fuzzy companions to.
I'm too scared to try any of this stuff.....
Nah, this wont work. When I take out the lint roller, she stands up like a soldier, on all fours, back straight, enjoying the roller...
now? a weasel ball? first tell me what it is, then I will see if it will irritate her..;)...
This list was very funny, I never irritate my cat...she is just too sweet to annoy, but hey, its worth a try..
Legitimizing a cruel practice isn't funny.
may i add one sure game we play with our tomcat?
when that 80's song, stray cat strut' comes on the radio..we announce,'kitty, that's your favorite song!
and proceed to make him dance with us..oh, believe me..kitties love to dance !!!!