I've been beta testing for some of the new Live products by Microsoft. I'm not an official beta tester or anything, I just like new things and I'm willing to risk the stability of my computer to experience them. Anyhow, I trying out www.live.com and did you know what they list as one of the top threats in the world today? My Wife!
They don't even know my wife! Now she did learn to drive in Alabama, but that hardly makes her dangerous. Maybe if she used her blinker occasionally or stopped before the stop signs, she'd appear less threatening in the public eye. That's just U.S. roads though.
I'm not even sure she knows anyone from Microsoft, so I don't know how they'd find out her driving habits. Then again, I do have the Improve Customer Experience option selected on both Windows Media Player and MSN Messenger, maybe they can some how track our driving habits from there. I'm thinking not.
Further investigation on Microsoft's website reveals the nature of the threat; the threat of my wife, that is. She's a MASS MAILER. It does sound a little scary actually. Think about about: mass murderer, mass graves, mass confusion! I think she's innocent of the first two, but I can guarantee that she's confused the heck out of me on more than on occasion. But don't all women do that to men? So why are they singling out my wife?
Is it because she emails? I mean they are calling her a mass mailer, but I've seen her email account...there's more spam in the inbox than there are outgoing messages. As a matter of fact, I don't think she hardly emails anyone. During my last deployment, I think I got 5 emails. Yup five. (And Wife, if you're reading this... one single smiley face in an email doesn't count as an email....and oh, you'd better run Microsoft is after you.) So anyhow, I don't even believe the truth behind this whole mass mailer thing.
Unless they mean snail mail. The good ol' USPS. She is a catalog abuser. I swear, if we had wood heating, we could go through the winter using only the catalogs she receives and doesn't read. The only ones that get read are the Victoria's Secret Catalogs that I read. (Again Wife, if you're reading this...I'm just shopping for you. I was gone for Valentine's Day, remember? And all those women are not really pretty, they're too skinny, and they're skin only looks perfect because they're airbrushed).
Again though receiving mail isn't a federal crime. It's a crime against trees. Poor trees...but I can't really judge. My dad was a lumberjack. But he's okay...or was. Different story.
So what has she done that----no wait. Sorry, everybody. It's just an email virus. They're not talking about my wife specifically. I get it now. Hey if you see Win32/Mywife.E@mm in an email attachment, don't open it. Sorry for all the confusion. Whew, that's a load off my mind. I was worried; I love my wife.
-MB
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