After attempting to shop with my teen daughter today, I decided to run into Wal-mart for some basics; toilet paper, shampoo (why do we wash our hair with sham-POO??) deodorant and chocolate. YES chocolate is a basic necessity.
I made it through my list fairly quickly and was eyeing the check out lanes, when I realized I forgot the arm pit juice. I flipped my cart around and jogged back to the right aisle… ok, I didn't come close to jogging, but I did quicken my pace… a bit. I get to the deodorant aisle and go to grab my plain old powder fresh Secret. That's when I see it. They have come out with new scents! AND they are on sale. Double wammy!
So I took a few minutes and smelled my way through 7 new deodorants. FUN!
Now, you would not think certain aromas should not go on arm pits. One of those is Pear Illusion. Hmmm... I was confused by why they would pick pear for pits and even more confused as to why it should be an illusion. Does that mean you are not really smelling pears... it's all just an illusion, really you are smelling cantaloupe?? What gives??
Next they have Violet Dazzle; will it really make my pits dazzle, and do I care?? Moonlit Rose comes next… moonlit??? I can see it now: My husband and I are in bed and he says, "Honey, could you put down your arms? The moonlight from your pits is keeping me awake!" They follow these with Tropical Radiance, Berry Sparkle and Luminous Lily. Will Luminous Lilly turn me into a giant, glowing mosquito magnet?? With my luck, yes.
I am sure the security guards watching me through the ceiling peep show, were getting ready to arrest me if I attempted to lick any of these new "flavors."
In the end I decided to live dangerously and change deodorants. If you smell cantaloupe, it's because I picked Pear Illusion.
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Comments: 42
Brendan, but doesn't she smell good!!
Once again, Mandi, I enjoyed your humor and expressive skill.
betty, how do you put it on? Just slap it up there?
;-)
Mandi, I use Secret, too. Maybe I'll switch to baking soda. I also like plain talcum, but Secret is great. Pear, I dunno. I'm old fashioned, I guess. But I have lots of great smelling lotions i use.
Can I come shopping with you? What a hoot!
Clare's comment reminded me of a joke my 85 year old Canadian uncle told me recently. On the first day of school, a kindergarten teacher is asking her young pupils what they did over the summer. She also was trying to teach them to use grownup words rather than baby talk. So, when one little tot told her she went on a "choo-choo" to visit her "Grammy", the teacher corrected her. The teacher said she should say "train" instead of "choo-choo" and "Grandmother" instead of"Grammy". The next child to speak up told the class about his summer using some baby words and the teacher similarly corrected him just as she had done for the last pupil.By now, the other kids were getting the idea. So, when the teacher asked the next child what he did over the summer, he boisterously replied : "I read Winnie the shit all by myself!!!!"
But sadly I can't join in your hilarious sniff fest at the supermarket. You know how some women get permanent aversions to certain foods during and forever after their pregnancies? For me it was smells, chemical deodorant smells. There was exactly one fragranced one on the market i could tolerate and they discontinued it, but I found a very effective unscented one eventually. I can't even stand the smell of deodorant on others and most shampoos and even some soaps. Fruity ones i can usually tolerate.
And most importantly i still love estee lauder's private collection. ooh big smiles just thinking about it!!
Great hilarious yarn Mandi.
But I dont think the double and triple questions help.
Chocolate is not onluy a basic necessity but, like pizza and beer, is one of the major food groups.
Nah, don't think he'd smell good with Mdnight Rose or Violet Dazzle. Maybe Manly Musk.
Now the 'alleged' fragrances women wear are more of a club. A 'whack'
gasp, good he's unconscious....
Why men wear so much of this crap baffles me....
carl, what double triple questions??
Great story. Thanks for the laughs Does any one remember when the shampoo and deodorant selections were not so large?You either used what was available or not.
I had purchased a 12 pack of secret powder fresh from the local sam's club about a year ago... so I haven't shopped for pit juice in awhile.
thanks!
Teacher's should know better than to ask such questions!
Mandi, Another great story!