I don't feel so well today.
My husband, angry, slams the door and takes the neighbor boating instead of me.
I don't care, I just feel a little sick in the tummy, so I lie down.
Maybe it's just the pain medication from Tuesday's oral surgery.
Hours pass, and I only feel worse.
What's this?
I'm bleeding, and it's bright red. Not the right time.
I clean up, and continue to bleed.
Ring the ER nurse, she says, "take a pad count"
How can I have a miscarriage when the doc said I'm not pregnant?
Sure enough, the "count" is alarming, so I'll try to drive myself to the hospital.
I meet the neighbor on our porch, he says he'll drive me.
I tell him I'll mess up his car, and still he insists.
My husband and Neighbor's wife pull into the drive, laughing.
They see me, bent over and bloody.
My husband is angry and drives me, yelling all the way.
I stand up from the car and feel the gush.
He's upset. His car is a mess!
I just want to get inside the door.
Walking in, all bloody, someone grabs a wheelchair
I'm whisked right in.
On the table, I feel the baby come out.
How old? I ask.
Maybe four, five months says the nurse.
Girl or Boy?
Oh, we're not allowed to say, Honey.
Helps you get over it, you see.
I'm stunned.
I want to name you.
Androgenous, I call you Casey.
Goodbye, Casey.
I love you.
A shot, and I'm asleep
Morning, and the doctor comes in
Says, we'll do a D&C
Risk of infection, you know.
Says aparently I really was pregnant
when I came to him in March.
(he had insisted that two babies
in two years plus my breastfeeding
had my body off, that's all. No baby)
Count backwards, fuzzy then I'm out.
Two weeks later, I begin to greive.
I call my doctor and ask what to do.
He says accusingly
Well, I'm not going to give you any pills,
if that's what you're thinking!
Again, I'm stunned.
Why is he so mean to me?
I tell him,
Don't expect me to pay your bill.
I don't know what to do.
Except to love my little girls
And cry when they're asleep.
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Comments: 10
This is part of my past. Cheryl' W'ss article had me weeping this morning, and I realized the emotions were still raw after 23 years!
And you're right! I needed intervention...... I needed love. Cheryl W. needs it now, too.
I sincerely believe we are who we are because of our past, not in spite of it. Tho it was tragic, it has helped to form me, and that's quite OK.
Blessings to you all.