We all wear masks, switching them out to suit the situation. Different ones for work or school, different ones with family, and different ones with friends. Each mask projects a different truth about who we are so essentially some part of ourselves is always hidden.
However, I find that to me writing is like baring my soul. I want to share it but I want to keep it hidden at the same time. The funny thing is that I don't mind if complete strangers read it. In fact, I love posting stuff here on gather for people to read. It's the people I know out in the real world that I want to hide from. I'm comfortable projecting my designated masks to them. I have a sort of metaphorical safety zone. Does that make any sense? Do other people feel that way?
I assume it has something to do with self esteem. The belief that everything I write is crap. The fear of being judged by people who I can't escape, who I have to literally face everyday. After all, to be hidden is to be safe.
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Comments: 18
You so right about writing being a freeing experience. ( As my lengthy comment my suggest). It is so great to be able to bear you soul, and theraputic for me. This site is a great place. But I must admit I still get nervous when I go to see if anyone has commented on my articles and what they may have said. I always take a long deep breath before I click. So part of me still wants to hide even on here. I just bite my lip and some how gather up the courage to let myself be free.
Sharing parts of yourself with the public (and the world, entire) via your writings is indeed a very brave and commendable act. Look at it this way. Even published writers say that there is still room for improvement with them. Madeleine L'Engle, 34 years after her early novel And Both Were Young was published, revised it in the belief that parts of the novel reflected a naïve sensibility that didn't really fit in with the overall plot of the story. The revisions were minor, but improved the story by making it more focused.
Maybe by first writing, then looking at your work from a detached perspective, you too can find those areas of improvement, make necessary changes and create improved works that you'll be proud of.
I think you will understand one of my Word Shavings:
"My tongue is tied in a tighter knot, because our language is the same." BFS
"It's about walls, it's about the walls we build up to protect ourselves,
and trying to create a facade that we think is more interseting than who we really are. And hiding those insecurities."
I know that I didn't see this in my teens, I'm not sure I did in my twenties either. Maybe it took coming to a gradual understanding of different parts of me -- and an acceptance of even the aspects which seem fearful or less appealing.
Just a thought...
I'm certainly glad your mask is off here! We wear many masks and someday we will understand that being "wrong" or "different" is not the same as being bad. Then we'll finally be free of our masks.
The mask has been lifted and I breathe a full breath of reality and joy.
Good write.
*giggles at Evelyn* Don't worry, I knew what you meant! Thanks :)
We value the opinion of those we are close to more because they have greater impact on our self esteem.
It is the degree of removal and anominity that makes it easier to bar one's soul online or to a stranger.