The garage smells lightly of gas, rubber and carbon.
It's still cold and I can see my breath.
I hit the garage door opener, the door opens asthmatically,
Creaking and grinding.
In the garage light, I see the object of my desire.
The Nomad sits quietly, almost forlornly,
On one side of the garage, as it has all winter.
Keying open the left saddlebag, I pull out the tire gauge.
Stooping under the back fender,
I smell tires and the light oil in the rear gearbox.
Pressure in the back is fine.
Pressure's fine up front, too.
The front tire is angled over,
A bird sleeping with its head under its wing.
Dormant.
I look longingly at the satin black finish of it,
And lean across the gleaming black nacelle
Of the tank and insert the key into the ignition.
The electrical comes on,
A ghostly light illuminating the chromed bars.
The sound of the fuel injection system
Priming the engine hisses slightly.
The gassy thrill of excitement suddenly fills my stomach.
I hold the starter button and the big V-twin roars to life,
A syncopated thump THUMP thump.
My hands shake slightly from the cold
Or anticipation.
Walking around the back,
I feel the puff puff puff of the exhaust on my pants legs.
The smell of exhaust is like perfume after so long.
Pulling my helmet off the shelf, I eye the smoked visor.
No bugs. Turning it around, I pull it over my head,
Feeling like a knight girding for battle.
With practiced ease, I fasten the chin strap
And pull it tight under my throat.
The leather gloves are stiff with disuse.
I pull one on before realizing
I haven't zipped my heavy leather jacket.
Grabbing the Y pull, I hear the satisfying zip
As the jacket closes around me.
The other glove slides on
And I look at the rumbling bike.
It sounds warm, sounds ready.
I throw my right leg over,
Taking in a little sharp breath
As I stretch muscles I haven't used since Fall.
Settling into the seat,
I grab the bars, and check to make sure
The mirrors are aligned properly.
My breath steams through my open visor.
I pull the bike backwards,
And into the chill of the morning.
I angle the bike around
And spot the sun coming up over the trees.
I kick the highway pegs down off the crash bar on the left
And then the right.
The gear shift clunks down from neutral
Into first as the transmission is engaged.
A little clutch and the bike pulls forward,
Anxious.
A slight bit of throttle, now.
Goosing a little more power from the engine,
I feel an exhilarating shiver
As the bike pushes me back into my seat.
I put the bike into second,
And give the throttle a firmer twist.
The bike gives a throaty roar,
A beast released from captivity,
And leaps across the pavement.
I pull my visor down,
Sealing my helmet but for a small strip
At nose level.
I head for the countryside,
The sun glinting pinkly from my mirrors.
Up ahead, another motorcycle approaches
From the opposite direction.
I throw my left arm out and down,
My first two fingers in an inverted V, a biker salute.
The other motorcyclist responds with the same sign.
A brotherhood of the breeze.
The road opens up like a flower,
Each curve a gentle rebellion against gravity
And centrifugal force.
My mind empties and switches into ride mode.
Sun, wind and asphalt.
The world narrows to two lanes and I take flight.


Comments: 14
By the way, I see you're in Florida. At least you can ride most of the year. I'm down to maybe 9-10 months a year with the cold and ice the way it is. Waiting on Spring...
Thanks for your help!
Now - if you're going to cut - I'd cut at the beginning. A quick description of the somewhat neglected atmosphere in the garage - but then, straight into re-aquainting yourself with the much missed machine. It will hook the reader - elicit comraderie from other riders, or just spark curiosity from those who've always wondered like myself.
Thanks!
Nice job! You've given us information and sentimentality. You handle the challenge of delivering a great deal of information in few words well. I believe, with a few tweaks, you could nail this to the wall and make me green with envy. Writing in present tense is brave, and I think a good choice for this because it forces a sense of urgency on the reader. What I'd like to see you do is take out as many words as possible and rev up the sentimentality, to validate that urgency. I don't like to make suggestions without giving examples, so my examples follow. Do with them what you like – I never expect anyone to change anything because of my suggestions.
~It's still cold, so I can see my breath coming out in little puffs of steam. ~In the spirit of urgency and cutting words, how about: My breath hits the cold air in puffs of steam.
~I hit the garage door opener and the door pulls up, asthmatically, creaking and grinding as it reaches the top. The garage light has turned on, illuminating my wife's car, but also the object of my attention.~ You've used the words garage and door twice in this short paragraph and three ing words. The ing words distract from the urgency (here and later. Maybe something like: I hit the remote and the garage door creaks and grinds open. Light illuminates my wife's car, and also ----
~the object of my attention~ doesn't work for me. You've teased me with sentimentality so I'm looking for you to hit me with more every chance you get. Can you be comfortable with something stronger than 'attention' – affection? Obsession? Desire?
On my first read, the list of chores felt like forced, unnecessary information. But then, I realized I did need that information. I don't ride, so if you hadn't mentioned them I wouldn't have thought of all those steps standing between you and the road you're so anxious to hit. I think that's a big part of the story. What would make this better is if you gave me more of your feelings as you go through the steps. I think you can do this without adding words (maybe even cutting words) by using stronger verbs.
~I key open the left saddlebag and see all of my nice Craftsman tools, wrapped neatly in a bundle.~ This sentence slows the story, in my opinion. Do you need to see that bundle, or can you just grab it out? I think you could cut 'all my nice Craftsman' unless you tell us why that's significant. You can also cut 'down' and let 'under' stand alone, and cut 'can'. If you smell the tires, we know you can ;-) (You have another 'can' when you hear the fuel injection system later)
These are my favorite lines because you draw me into your real emotions about this ride:
The gassy thrill of excitement suddenly fills my stomach.
The smell of exhaust is like perfume after so long.
Turning the helmet (leave out around), I pull it over my head, feeling like (leave out some) a knight girding for battle.
Grabbing the Y pull, I hear the satisfying zip as the jacket closes around me (LOVE THIS).
It sounds warm, sounds ready.
The bike gives a throaty roar, a beast released from captivity, and leaps across the pavement.
I enjoyed this Eric, and am anxious to see more of your stories.
This is an enjoyable piece and I could understand what you seem to feel for your machine. I don't ride so I needed some of the detailed descriptions that others might not. But I agree with both Edward and Sandy; just wish I could also do what they suggest.
The only thing I can add is that I found that "Keying open the left saddlebag," rather than just unlocking it sounded a bit pretentious or literary or something.
And I agree with Carl - Although I can't afford to hire her, I would certainly love that kind of feedback from Sandy (or anyone) on my writing as well!
I get so close to my own work that I can't be objective. My daughter used to read every word aloud to me (sweet girl, read eight novels as I wrote them) and that helped. She has her own life now and I miss that service. I belong to several novel critique groups, where the members literally rip each other's work to shreds. I have tough skin and love it, but some people don't. I'm always a bit shy about offering many comments in a new forum, because I don't want to offend anyone and I never expect anyone to agree or change their work. I just want to offer one reader's gut-level input, because that's what I crave as a writer.