The White House has chosen the following defense for Dick Cheney, who on Saturday shot a 78-year-old lawyer:
"It was the lawyer's fault for not saying 'hello.'"
Think that one was bad? Here's what the press flacks rejected.
"Well, the V.P. was having a heart attack, and the Secret Service forgot the defibrillator. He fired of the gun just to shock his heart up again."
"OK, the Speaker of the House played a little prank and switched the paintballs for birdshot."
"Dick coulda swore it were Osama bin Laden, what with the wrinkles an' all."
"Ah, Hell, this is Texas – what the Hell d'ya think we do on Saturday, anyway?
"Dick was just reading his Shakespeare an' – well, he got to that line about killin' all the lawyers an' got a NRA hard-on goin'."
"That geezer had a cell phone, and he was dialing the Baghdad exchange."
"Yeah – well, Jimmy Carter clubbed a bunny to death, which is worse?"
Copyright © 2006 by Gregory P. Lee
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