The Turing Test

"For the next question, please tell us which color you prefer, orange or purple, and why." Professor Winston said, sitting back from the microphone.

His fellow panelists on the Turing Committee looked intently at the screened area in front of them, waiting for one of the disembodied voices to answer.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Subject B, I believe this is your turn to answer first." Professor Winston quickly added, leaning into his microphone again.

The hum of the audio system in the auditorium was a bit disquieting to those who had been watching these proceedings all morning.  The Turing Committee had been taking turns grilling the two anonymous entities positioned behind the screens.  Of these two "subjects," one was a Ph.D. candidate of philosophy at a major US university.  The other, an artificial intelligence, or AI.  A computer.  One so completely natural in its thinking that its creators at the lab where it was born were sure that it would pass this test without any issues.

The "Turing Test", originally proposed by Alan Turing at Stanford University in the 1950's, was a test to determine whether a computer was so sophisticated that its responses would be indistinguishable from a human counterpart.  Judged by a Committee of six, a professor in computer sciences, an eminent visual artist, a famous movie director, an economist, a physicist and a "regular person".  In this case, the "regular person" was a 73 year old grandmother from Lincoln, Nebraska named Henrietta James, or "Hetty," as she insisted on being called.

There was a distinct "click" as one of the subjects turned on their voice hiding microphone.  "I prefer the color purple myself," the disembodied voice began, "I think that it clearly has great aesthetic appeal, is the color of royalty and conveys so many vivid emotions.  Many of my favorite works of art include purple in their palette."

A couple of beats until everyone was sure that Subject B had finished.  "Ahem, Subject A?  Shall I repeat the question" Professor Winston, the physicist offered.

Again, a click as the sound system activated.  "No need Professor.  I have to disagree.  I think orange is much more attractive.  It's the color of pumpkins in the fall, one of the more attractive shades of the sunset, although I guess purple is too.  I don't think I look good in orange, but between the two colors, I certainly prefer that."

The Turing Committee members looked at each.  Making references to a physical self was actually one of the prohibited types of answers.  The famous director leaned forward into her microphone. "Ah, Subject A, thank you for your answer, but please remember the guidelines regarding the types of acceptable and unacceptable answers..."

"Sorry about that Ms. Marshall. It's difficult answering some of these questions with that in mind."

Again, long looks between the committee members.  Several were writing careful notes on their forms.  Even the media members were looking confused.  These proceedings had been going on for several hours, and nearness to the lunch hour was resulting in some loss of attentiveness by audience.

When the staggering announcement came that a think tank of computer scientists had created what they claimed was the first self-aware computer, everyone from the glamour blogs through the Pentagon was abuzz with the possibilities.  A computer that thinks!  Imagine that!

The President's Science Advisory Council quickly convened site visits to "meet" this marvel and was astonished at the AI's ability to provide cogent conversation on a variety of topics.

The commercial computer community, hearing their own death knells, quickly protested that clever programming could be responsible for this.  In fact, these proceeding were completely underwritten by a consortium of these computer and software interests, anxious to prove this "AI" a farce.

Professor Mahavani, the chairperson of the Turing Committee turned to her counterparts and announced "This is the end of the formal questions.  Does anyone else have any free form questions to ask our subjects?"  All of the other committee members looked weary from the proceedings.

Hetty James, the distinguished grandmother from Nebraska looked up from her pad of paper, which was noticeably skimpy of actual notes, and said "Dr. Mahavani, if I may, I'd like to ask a question or two."

The other members of the committee smirked or rolled their eyes.  It was Professor Mahavani's idea to put a non-expert on this panel, claiming that the layperson should be unable to distinguish a "true" AI from its human counterpart under these circumstances.  Hetty, under the rules of the proceedings, was initially given three randomly assigned questions to ask the subjects.  Two were very technical, having to do with arcane philosophies of science.  One was a question about the meaning of God.  In the former questions, Hetty had noticeably stumbled through her reading.  In the latter, she looked a bit sheepish, remarking to no one and everyone that "Church talk and politics didn't belong in civil conversation".  That generated a laugh from the committee and observers, and embarrassed Hetty into silence.

"Go ahead Mrs. James," Professor Mahavani said gently.

"OK then," said Hetty, with some confidence, "Subject A, I guess it's your turn to answer first.  Here's my question: why did the chicken cross the road?"

Stunned silence in the room.  A small titter of laughter from the media corps sitting in front of the committee erupted spontaneously.

Hetty crossed her considerable arms and stared down the journalists.  "That's my question.  If you would Mr. A?"

Embarrassed looks between the other committee members.  Surely putting Hetty James on this distinguished panel was a mistake, they were clearly thinking.

The click of the audio system, and Subject A spoke from the speech synthesizer that both subjects were using to hide any deficiencies between a speech processor and a human voice.  "I haven't heard that one in a while," said the disembodied voice, "To get to the other side.  The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side."

Again a titter of laughter from around the room.  Hetty leaned forward and said "That's right Mr. A.  Since you got it right, I have to ask Mr. B another question.  Are you ready Mr. B?"

The click as the mike came on behind the screen. "Certainly Ms. James. Ask away." Subject B said.

"Call me Hetty please" Hetty quickly said, "Ms. James is my mother in law and she was a piece of work."

Again, laughter from around the room.

"Ready? What happened when the dog went to the Flea Circus?"  Hetty sat back and recrossed her arms and waited.

"Um, a moment please." muttered Subject B "What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?  What happened... Oh, I hate when this happens!  I'm stumped.  What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?  I really don't know this one..."

The committee members look knowingly from one to the other, writing notes and nodding.

Hetty leans forward to speak, but there is a click as the audio comes on from one of the subjects. "Oh, I know!  I know!  Let me answer! Can I answer this?" This from Subject A.

Hetty answers quickly, a knowing smile on her face now "Sure, Mr. A.  What's the answer?"

"He stole the show!  What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?  He stole the show!  Oh I love that one!  That's one of my favorites!"

Again, the knowing looks from among the committee and Dr. Mahavani speaks.  "The committee has all of the information it needs to make a decision.  If you two would give us a few moments to confer, we'll then come back and announce our findings."

Murmurs from the audience and from the journalists, as cameras come on, tape recorders are held up and pads are gripped ready.

The committee members, distinguished and vaunted members, and Hetty James confer.  It becomes quickly obvious that the committee members have reached a decision.  It also becomes clear that Hetty doesn't agree.

After some hurried whispering, Hetty sits back in her chair, arms crossed, clearly unhappy.

Dr. Mahavani stands and faces the audience.  Journalists positioned behind her scramble to the space between the committee table and the audience.

"We have reached a decision.  First, we must compliment its creators on their hard work and clever programming.  Without the detailed questions designed by the American Psychological Association" she nods to a professorially attired man in the front row of the audience, "we would have been quite at a loss to make a determination."

Nods from the audience.  A determination like this means that the committee was able to distinguish the computer from the human being, essentially failing the computer.

"Second, despite the magnificent efforts to stumble this preeminent committee" she nods first to her left and then to her right, "we've concluded that one of the Subjects is a computer."

Cameras whir and reporters write furiously in their pads.  Dr. Mahavani looks a little smug.

"Subject B is clearly a computer!  We base this upon the educated opinions of this panel as well as the diagnostic assistance provided by our psychiatric colleagues."

Hetty looks around, clearly not pleased with this pronouncement.  She leans into her microphone.

"Beg your pardon, Dr. Mahavani, but I disagree.  The committee wasn't unanimous and I don't agree at all."

Professor Mahavani looks annoyed now.  She looks to her committee members for support before continuing. "Yes, that's correct.  Our panel was not unanimous in their findings.  Mrs. James here felt that our decision was incorrect."

The other committee members smile supportively at Professor Mahavani, and several glare at Hetty.

"Mrs. James, would you care to speak about your conclusions?" Professor Mahavani allows, hoping Hetty will not.

Hetty looks a little embarrassed now.  The cameras are flashing in her face and microphones reach across and over to capture her next words. 

Hetty begins "Well, Subject A is clearly very smart, but he's a computer.  Subject B is just a stiff, is all.  Too much school learning and not enough common sense." 

As she makes this pronouncement, her fellow committee members look very annoyed.  Unfazed, she continues "If this here AI was just born a little while ago, it's like a kid.  I have 14 grandchildren, ranging in age from 26 down to age 1.  Every single one of them loves that joke and when they hear, they like to tell it to their friends.  I'm not a Ph.D. like these folks here," she says, nodding to the miffed committee members, "But I know when we've got something new and young here.  If I'm right, and I think I am, we've got something really special.  For all of creation, people have been the only creatures on God's Earth to talk to one another."

A buzz of conversation is filling the auditorium.  Even the committee seems a bit fascinated with this monologue.  Hetty begins again.

"But, I think we've got something really special.  For the first time, there's a fuzzy edge between what is people and what isn't people.  And, I think, in my humble opinion, that these fuzzy edges are going to get even fuzzier go forward.  That's all I got to say."

Professor Mahavani looks at each of her committee members in turn, some of whom are nodding thoughtfully.  She gives a little shrug and says "Well, let's drop those curtains and see what we have here."

The technicians pull cables and the screens begin to rise.  Behind them, on one side, a man sits, balding, owlish, a bit tired looking.  On the other side, a mechanical apparatus, with cables snaking off somewhere backstage.

In front of the man, a table tent clearly says "Sub. B".  The mechanical apparatus is unlabeled.

Dr. Mahavani and her distinguished panelists are clearly stunned.  They turn to each other, quizzically, and whisper rapidly.

Hetty James, the possessor of a high school diploma, but over 50 years of child-raising looks quite self-satisfied.  She looks at her colleagues pityingly and says "You all may be experts in your field, but I sure know kids."

The click of the audio is clearly heard above the sudden commotion in the room, as Subject A, the AI says "Oh, Ms. James, have you heard the one about the priest, the rabbi and the gardener?"