President Bush declares war on centaurs

MOUNT OLYMPUS – The inhabitants of this mythological mountain community were up in arms today following a declaration of war made by President George W. Bush in his State of the Union Address on Tuesday.

During a passage on the outright banning of human cloning, the president added a scathing caveat that the United States would not stand for the creation of "human-animal hybrids."

The effects of the president's remarks could be felt immediately more than half a world away as a gathering of centaurs, cherubs and Minotaurs who had assembled at Zeus' palatial mountain top vista erupted into fiery protests that included the ritual sacrifice of several lambs.

"Am I any less of a man simply because half of me is a horse?" the centaur Proliphocles screamed to the heavens.

But the Bush Administration was relentless with its policy that the legendary beasts of Olympus be eradicated from the face of the earth.

"Centaurs are a direct threat to the national security of our country and they weren't in the Bible," a release from the White House, written in crayon, said.

Centaurs are a fierce species of half-man, half-horse that are notoriously ill-mannered and prone to alcoholism. The centaurs are a battle-hardened race thanks to an ancient war with their half-brothers, the Lapiths, who were eradicated by the centaurs after they allegedly hid a large stockpile of Tankards of Egregious Inebriation (TEIs) in a secret network of underground taverns.