Homemade Stories Stitch Us Together Through Fraying Times

What a surprise . . . it seemed at first. Jamie Lee Curtis and Joanne Woodward actually promoting the production of a movie for TV about a story I did not think Hollywood would ever touch. But they will star in it, Wendy Wasserstein is writing the script - and you can see it early next year!

Because she was afraid of growing old, 45-year-old children's book author Leah Komaiko decided to face her fear head-on. She signed up to be a weekly visitor for 90-year-old and blind Adele at the California Chateau nursing home in the worst city for feeling the creep of age, determinedly young Los Angeles. Adele's spunk and wit sparked an unexpectedly deep friendship between them. The two women, fifty years apart, found "there is only one age -- alive." My friend Komaiko tells the story in her first book for adults, _Am I Old Yet?_, never thinking it would ever be a movie.

What's your story?

People under 30 say much of their conversation is sprinkled with lines from movies to explain their thoughts. I just hope this habit does not replace their personal storytelling and shared "shorthand" of expressions.

You might think we have become accustomed to the efficiencies of modern life, from microwave ovens to high-speed Internet access. Why should relationships be any different? Shouldn't we be able to compress our relationships into quicker times together? Can we have less time together and still stay close? Not according to Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon, authors of _A General Theory of Love_, who wrote, "The unequivocal limbic _no_ takes our culture by surprise. . .

Every new second of togetherness reestablishes the terms of the relationship." They quoted playwright Jean Giraudoux: "If two people who love each other let a single instant wedge itself between them, it grows -- it becomes a month, a year, a century; it becomes too late." This is true every time we want a relationship to endure.

Don't let it be too late to Say It Better to those you treasure. In this time-starved, relationship-diminished world, I am increasingly grateful for the handwritten birthday note on onion skin paper from my client in Bangladesh, the handmade raspberry and apple green origami flowers made by my goddaughter, and the avid storytelling walks with friends at dusk along the waterfront here in Sausalito. These are the markers of our lives. We did not buy them from somebody else.

Don't rush past the stories of your days without telling them to someone. You will recognize the continuing threads of your life. In conversation you can weave with others the warp and weft of enduring connection. Take the time to hear others' stories, to see their souls and get glimpses back into your own.

You can become a more major coauthor, along with the fates, of the kind of story you want for the rest of your life.

Here are some books that touch on the theme of not letting others write the experiences of your life:

~ Jeremy Rifkin describes the "time-saving" trends toward "outsourcing" one's "entertainment and leisure" time. His provocative book is _ The Age of Access: The New Culture of Hypercapitalism Where All of Life is a Paid-for Experience_.

~ Equally provocative is former Toronto Star columnist Naomi Klein. She writes a brave commentary on how we are letting corporations brand too much of the experiences of our life, from our shirts to our stadiums, and the seamy underside of corporate connections to sweatshops. Her book is _No Logo: Taking Aim at the Brand Bullies_.

~ I've re-read Rachel Remen's two books about the power of stories to heal, provide comfort and a sense of belonging, and show us our true strength: _Kitchen Table Wisdom_ and _My Grandfather's Blessings_.

~ Do you ever get the feeling people stop listening before you stop talking?

Want to make your stories more vivid? Then learn the power of the tiny detail by listening to two captivating authors who also tell their stories on public radio. Last Friday night I was part of an enraptured crowd in Marin Civic Center, hearing Bailey White share her stories of everyday life in the rural South. Her books include _Mama Makes Up Her Mind: And Other Dangers of Southern Living_, _Sleeping at the Starlite Motel: And Other Adventures on the Way Back Home_, and _Quite a Year for Plums_.

The next evening I listened to Minnesota-born Garrison Keillor deliver his weekly commentary about life in imaginary Lake Wobegon. His audio tapes include _The Family Radio/Prairie Home Companion_ and _Gospel Birds and Other Stories of Lake Wobegon_.