Listen to Lead

Our attitude is the crayon that colors our world.

In a less certain world, you can demonstrate a caring attitude most quickly through compassionate, complete listening. Nurses are usually naturally compassionate nurturers, but often rushed and multi-tasking. Slowing down to listen, without interruption is an increasingly rare occurance -- so of course you'll really stand out when you do. Seeing the rewards for listening may help you become motivated to practice. Upfront, I admit that what I'm proposing here has often been hard for me to practice myself.

Learning to listen is more difficult than learning to ask good questions but there are rich and immediate rewards from being an obviously thoughtful listener. With less stress and energy on your part, you naturally bring others closer sooner, when you listen without interruption, rather than asking questions. You can confirm by listening what you have most in common with that person, in that moment, so you can see where to build bridges to deepen the relationship. The deeper the relationship, the stronger the roots of connection for the inevitable miscommunication or disagreement.

Further, you'll know what part of your needs or request to bring up first to attract their support, because you have observed their hot button interests and dislikes. You can approach a topic by suggesting your idea in a way that serves the interests the speaker has already mentioned in the conversation. In a crowd of active speakers, you may feel left out or shunted aside when you speak less, but if you wait until others have spoken first, you can propose your suggestions or idea as specific extensions or examples of what others have already said is important to them.

"Quieting the chattering mind promotes directed action."
- Kare Anderson

Listening may seem like a passive task, but, in fact, it requires more mental and emotional energy to do right than even speaking compellingly, Why? Because our gut instinctual reaction is to perceive that other people mean the same thing that we would mean if they say or act a certain way. For example, a man who once worked for me when I headed a high tech division of a company was often treated as if he was thick-headed or even a withholder because he took longer to respond to others' questions, spoke much more slowly and haltingly than most everyone else in this fast-paced company and seldom looked people in the eye when he spoke to them.

"There is much to be said for not saying much."
- Frank Tyger

As well, he seldom answered a question directly but often gave lengthy preambles and apparently tangential facts before he main his main point. He was, however the most brilliant, big picture and inventive of the people I met in the company. He was also extremely shy, easily overwhelmed by fast movements, loud and rapid speaking and rambunctious, interruptive discussions -- the hallmarks of many of the meetings in this company. His core work group, after considerable frictions and dissention, miraculously agreed on some specific rules to see if it would help them get along better. This happened only after he wrote a memo which elegantly and articulately outlines a solution to the main problem on the project in which they were working.

The rest of the group then realized that their success depended on making him feel comfortable in exchanging ideas with them. They agreed that they would not interrupt him when he was speaking, at least for four minutes, a more reasonable goal, they thought, that attempting to say they would never interrupt him. He, in turn, agreed to propose his main idea upfront, and then elaborate, and to also respond directly to questions, then expand upon his answer. The unexpected side benefit is that, over time, he became much more comfortable with speaking up sooner and ooking at others more as he spoke. The rest of the group, in turn, started noticing that thye were seeing other sides of each other as their meetings had slow as well as fast-paced parts to them.

Traits of Today's Synthesizer-Style Leaders Who Know How to Listen

Research shows that Americans are more likely to trust and support a new kind of leader who exhibits strong listening and action skills. Unlike the John F. Kennedy - model of "Charismatic Leader" that worked in the past, they find other kinds of behavior and gorup interaction more satisfying and inspiring.

While many experts on leadership such as Warren Bennis and Steve Covey offer valuable ideas on what leadership should look like, two research studies, one by the U.S. Air Force and the other by M.I.T, show that people are more likely to listen to and take action in support of certain people who exhibted at least three of seven behavioral traits, regardless of the "Synthesizer-Style" leaders' age, sex, ethnicity, education or even physical size.

Synthesizer leaders bring out the most productive, high performance side of their colleagues. While this new style of "Most Valuable Players" do make their presence felt in their organization, they are much less likely than past leaders to take center stage in all situations, voice an opinion early or take charge of projects. They do not need TQM programs because they set clear, specific rules and rewards up front which they don't change mid stream.

"If they want peace, nations should avoid the pinpricks that precede cannot shots."
- Napoleon Bonaparte

Here is a summary of those behavioral traits:
1. "Go slow to go fast"
At the beginning of every task or interaction, do everything lower, slower less -- in moving and speaking -- so that you get "in sync" and can then establish a common direction and involvement so that when you pick up speed later on, everybody is eager to be on board.

2. Create the Common Vision
Vividly characterize the direct benefit to the listener up front, for providing support, even if it is a part of his job anyway. Then characterize how the expected support directly relates to one of the top goals of your organization, the upside and down side of doing the work.

3. Play Straight
Announce the rules upfront -- penalities and rewards for participation in a team activity or project or job -- and don't change them mid-stream without a compelling reason.

4. Play it Back
Seek and reward candid feedback on an ongoing basis, and respond specifically and soon to what you've been told, including the rational about the action you will or will not take, based upon that feedback.

5. Synthesize the Best
Listen, ask, ask more,then synthesize others' ideas as a way of proposing new action.

6. Give Third Party Endorsements
Offer specific, genuine praise for others' contributions from anywhere in the company; praise them to those who are important to them and in ways that reflect their highest self-image and values.

7. Walk Your Talk
Demonstrate a congruency in all that you do; make and keep agreements; reflect a clear set of core personal values that people can trust you'll keep, regardless of whether they share those values.

For more ideas about listening, consider reading one of these well-written books on the topic: Listening " Forgotten Skill" by Madelyn Burley-Allen; "Active Listening : Building Skills for Understanding" by Marc Helgesen; "The Art of Listening" by Fromm; "Between People : Communicating One-To-One" by John A. Sanford; "Changing the World : One Relationship at a Time: Focused Listening for Mutual Support & Empowerment" by Sheryl Karas; "Dealing With Someone Who Won't Listen" by Lisa K. Adams; "From the Listening Place; Languages of Intuition" by Margaret Blanchard; "Getting the Picture : Everyday Listening/Speaking With Idioms" by Nancy Herzfeld-Pipkin; and "How Will They Hear If We Don't Listen? by Ronald W. Johnson.