The Sandbox. In or Out?

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside."-I Corinthians 13:11(AMP)

"Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values."-Joshua Loth Leibman

If you ever want to see the bad side of human nature, just turn to the media. I know its weird hearing me say that being that I am, well, a part of the media but who would know better, right?

Now for all of the journalists reading this, don't take what I'm saying out of context. Yes, being that we give a voice to hundreds, thousands (and in some cases) even millions on topics like politics, religion, relationships, holistic living, social consciousness, fashion and entertainment, when we use our platforms responsibly, great things can happen. But, if we are really honest with ourselves, the "good things" are rarely what pays the big bills or earns the award-winning prizes for coverage. No, it's usually the drama.

While this pertains to virtually every topic known to man, being that I do a lot of entertainment writing, I will use two (well, technically three) of Tinseltown's "finest" as an example of what I am talking about.

In 2002, the "once upon a time Christian singer/virgin", Jessica Simpson and the slightly older heartthrob popster, Nick Lachey graciously and perhaps in hindsight ignorantly, let us all into their homes with the MTV hit, "The Newlyweds". At first the television shows and tabloids were so embracing of the seemingly new and relatively innocent budding love between the young couple, providing them with the platform to be as open and forthright as possible because after all, we absolutely loved them loving each other, right?

Fast forward to 2005, and I'm not so sure that we or they are so sure anymore. You'd either have to be without cable or opting to not stand in the check-out lines at the grocery store to miss all of the negative press that they're currently receiving. It's almost as if the very people who built the Newlywed Empire we've all come to know and love (or hate depending on who you ask) are now out to destroy them. Apparently, we only like people to be happy but for so long

…I'm referring to human nature as a whole, not just the media.

There's another thing that we don't like to see much of either and that's change. I was just telling one of my aunts something on yesterday that she said sounded just like my mother: "I don't have a problem with people having problems…we all have problems. But can't we get to a point where we have some new ones? If we are battling with the same thing, in the same way (because this is key) that we were last year, that is when I have a problem helping you with your…problems." In other words, if you are still walking around the same mountain, no wonder you are not getting anywhere. No wonder you are not progressing. No wonder you are not growing up!

It's hard work, I know. Just ask some of the people closest to me and they will tell you that while in some ways I am "old as dirt", in other ways, I too am still toddling along (i.e., walking around the same mountain). Sometimes there's comfort in familiarity (physically, professionally, emotionally and even spiritually), but the familiar doesn't always equate the good which brings me to my final celebrity example.

As shocking as it may seem, I recently read a quote from Nicole Richie (you know Lionel's daughter and according to the press, Paris Hilton's once-best-friend-turned-rival) that was pretty insightful. When asked for the thousandth time about the current status of her relationship with her "Simple Life" co-star, she simply said (I'm paraphrasing just a tad), "No one wonders why I don't play in the sandbox anymore because I grew out of it. [Our relationship] is no different. We simply grew apart."

Growing up is not easy, but we all should be doing it every year, every day, every moment of our lives. Just like the media can't understand (or rather chooses not to focus on) why Nicole would prefer to no longer by the slightly chubby, slightly tacky, overtly crass, underdog sidekick of her "friend", in many ways, we all have trouble embracing the change and growth in others and in ourselves.

Some of us are always supportive and encouraging of other people. That is until they get the promotion that we wanted, the status that we desire, the figure that we've always dreamed of or bank account that we've been striving for. Then suddenly we don't want to be bothered, claiming that "they think they're too good for us." NOTE: More times than not, it's because we think we are no longer good enough for them, which is not their problem is it?

Some of us like hanging with our girlfriends. That is until they get married and then we waste time talking with our other single girlfriends about how "wrong" he is for her (or vice versa)…even if we stood up and smiled in their wedding pictures.

Some of us can find 15 million excuses for why we aren't eating better, exercising more or giving up our "little nasty habits' but we somehow we can't find one good reason to start living right.

Some of us enjoy acting like a 17-year-old college student even though we're 30-years-old. Some of us think saying "I'm going to be young forever" is a good thing. It's not. You should have something new to show for each new year of your life. You know the people who've been 25 for the past 5 years? Hmm, sometimes I wonder just how deep that stagnation goes.

Some us think that we have outgrown throwing temper tantrums just because we don't cry, yell and scream anymore. I am preaching to the choir on this one: Rolling your eyes, sucking your teeth, holding grudges, giving the silent treatment or "speaking your mind" is just the "big kid" version of one.

Some of us enjoy religion so long as it keeps us in our comfort zones. However, the moment that something BIBLICAL is brought to our attention that causes us to do, see or live a little differently than we are accustomed to we turn a deafened ear. The "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah I can't hear you" approach? Yeah, that's mature.

Some of us have been disrespecting the people in our lives for so long that when they set up a boundary for themselves (one that should've probably been there in the first place), we tend to think that suddenly something is wrong with them. The only thing wrong is if they let you talk them out of it.

Some of us like to have cheerleaders more than challengers. If someone is rallying us on, even if it's in our foolishness, then we consider them a friend, but the moment they call us to the carpet on something, we become hypersensitive and offended. You want to know if someone really loves you? Ask yourself if you've become a better person by knowing them. If you don't know, I don't know what to tell you. J

And, some of us are reading this knowing that deep down God is requiring a change in some area of our lives but we're deflecting the responsibility by mentally running down the list of people that we can forward this to for their benefit.

All of these are examples of "living in the sandbox". Just like Nicole's comparative, thanks to God's grace and mercy, we all are allowed a certain period in our lives to move from "milk to meat". No one thinks it to be odd when a three-year-old is playing around building castles in the sand but most of us would be concerned to see a 40-year-old rolling around in it. Just like there comes a time when we're too big to fit into things that were built for children, there comes a time when we should be mature enough to know when something doesn't well, fit into our lives and it's purpose either.

Children have time to play in the sandbox because they don't have other responsibilities…as adults, we do. In the same manner, its understandable when babes in Christ fall over themselves because they are learning the skills that we as "should be more developed by now" Christians already have. Simply put, there should be certain things that we just don't do anymore (mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally, financially, spiritually or otherwise) because we are too old, too mature, too big for them!

And like Nicole so eloquently stated, when those who either don't have our best interest at heart or are too immature to catch on question us about our evolution or advancement, we shouldn't feel that stressed out about it. The media doesn't thrive off of happiness or the (good) change in people and unfortunately, the carnality of human nature doesn't either. You can see that clearly when you are out of the "boxed in" mentality. Stop trying to find a reason to or a defense for growing up. Just make sure that you do it.

Hey, there's only but so much room to move around in the sandbox, anyway.