Turning A Friend In For Drunk Driving

Kel- there is no doubt that you did the right thing. Your friend clearly has a problem understanding the impact alcohol has on his life. He is making bad decisions, for himself, the people he loves, and the people around him.

You did the ethical thing. You did the kind thing. You did the smart thing. Hopefully, people that care about him in life will take the next steps in getting him treatment.

I have watched friends and family fall victim to drug and alcohol addiction. Addicts/alcoholics rarely understand the power of the drug. They often do not know they have a problem. They make bad decisions (like driving under the influence) to facilitate their use. In times like these, it's friends and family that need to step in, keep them safe in the short term, and get them into recovery so that they can regain control of their lives.

Thanks for making the hard choice. Any one of us could have been driving the other direction.

wow. intense. thanks for sharing.

Kel, I echo Tom's comment. Your continued agony over the result is miserable, but it's a reflection of the deep caring you have. I'm sorry for your angst and grateful for your caring decision.

Kel - acting with your heart is sometimes so much harder. You can't be rationale when you feel like you have a golf ball in your gut. While Tom asid it all, maybe this is the instigator (and 6 months of hard lessons) to learn that combining kids and alcohol is a really dangerous mix. Fox news may get a story out of it for a night, then leave the family to pick up unnecessarily broken pieces.

Kel - you may have agonized over this decision, but it was the correct one. People with drinking problems who can't acknowledge that they have them will always blame someone else. I rfemember a young man many years ago who passed out at the wheel on Interstate 95 in Massachusetts. As he came to, he was bouncing off the guard rail, front to back, front to back, front to back -- for almost a half-mile. It's a miracle that he wasn't killed or didn't kill anyone else. Two months later, he celebrated the court dismissal of charges against him by throwing a barroom party. He only stopped drinking when dating a woman whose best friend's husband was in AA and showed him how he could live without alcohol. Sometimes, intervention is necessary, although painful. You probably save those children's lives.

I wish I had made the decision you made. My dad had smoked marijuana for years. I watched it get out of control, then decided to cut off contact with him and told my mother why I stopped talking to him, and that I would talk with him when he decided to get help. My mother said she couldn't tell him that because she is supposed to be a submissive wife. That was a year and half ago. He died this April and I never got to say good bye. I walked my sister down the aisle at her wedding this past Sunday (9/18), crying the whole way down the aisle. I was happy that I got to do it, but sad because my dad wasn't there to see it. I keep wondering if I turned him in if he would still be alive today.

Kel: I've worked in the addictions treatment field for over 20 years and your comments illustrate the complex struggle we have in this culture around these situations. It would be wonderful if we all could understand that this is a disease and things happen on a cellular level in the brain that translates into behavior that we all shake our heads over. Your friend is sick. It is a disease that keeps the person that has it from being able to see that. His disease affected his logic, judgement and emotions. There was no way he would put his children, himself and others in that kind of jeopardy if he was in a healthy place. You did the best thing in that situation. And you will need to continue to do the "next best thing" in your future dealings with him. Maybe this will be the incident that starts the cracks in his denial and somewhere he will get treatment because this is a disease that treatment does work for. Don't give up on him as a person but don't be captive to his disease....Good luck.

I just want to say a little something on this article you have written. I personally know how you feel. And there is no doubt you did the right thing. I think sometimes we have to do what we have to do no matter what happens to save the one's we love. I know with my son I had to make choices with him that to this day I have to live with. I just think that peopel don't realize the impact that drinking or drugs or what ever can make on there lives. I my self and a Acoholic and it took me years to realize what I was doing to my self and to others and the one's that loved me. It was actually my son that helped me stop drinking and get the help I needed. It is amazing the way things can happen. And I know at one point I was angery at everyone becuase of what they were doing to me to help me stop drinking. But in the end it was all about because they cared about me. As you cared for this person you turned in for drinking. I just know I have been sobber now for 13 years and my life is much better for it. . I think you did the right thing and you did it because you cared for him. I am like someone else has said hopefully now his loved one's will help him get in the right direction.

Kel,
Your story is haunting; almost a year later. You did what you thought was right and it was right. To protect children is the most important act an adult has to perform. But the end result can be life altering but hopefully the future will have positive long term results for everyone involved. I wish when I reached out to help a love one with alcohol issues I had been successful. But I wasn't, I was only used as a scapegoat. I hope your freind is getting treatment. I pray for people who are dealing with or in denial of their disease. Hope all is well.

I was married for 18 years to an abuser-- alcoholic and wife-beater--so I have a lot of insight into the frame of mind your friend is in. He will always look outside himself for who to blame for his misery. He will always play the victim of a cruel world rather than realize he is suffering the consequences of his own actions. I wouldn't worry about what the children have been told. They will grow up knowing more than just Daddy's view, see him for who he is, and appreciate that someone like you cared.

Kelly, I have kind of a simular situation. My best friends daughter was almost killed by a drunk driver in September. I got a call Sept 24 about 8am and my best friend Lisa called and said her daughter was in a car accident and was flown to Reno and is not good. I could tell by her voice something was wrong. I told her I was on my way. I got the the hospital and was told she was in the car and the driver took outr her side of the car. We'll I wont get into things, but I knew my best friends daughter needed to get things in order and fast. She needed to get on medical asap since it was the end of the month (if you dont sigh up for state medical before the end of the month they wont cover you for that month) she needed to get on disability, and her mom needed to get on Family leave from the state of Calif so she could stay with her daughter at the hospital and get paid from the state for an emergency. I told my friend I would get all of the paperwork together and I did. She got on medical, disability, family leave, and I enrolled the family in at the Ronald Mc DOnald HOuse and I paid for it for a month. The victim has a younger sister that acted bothred by me helping her mother and kept calling the drunk driver and talking to him about the accident and her progress in the hospital, and the younger sister wanted the drunk driver to come and visit her in the hospital. SHe was in a coma! Her mom didnt want the drunk driver near her daughter but the younger daughter wore her down and the drunk driver came to the hospital and said SHE DIDNT LOOK SO BAD. My best friend was so very very emotional and couldnt handle it. So now the younger daughter and her friends blame ME for stressing out the mother and says I am the reason no one in the community likes the drunk driver? He lied and lied to the younger sister about what happened and I found out the truth my talking to people who came up on the scane and the police report, but they wanted to beleive him instead. The younger (20 YEAR OLD) sister wanrted the drunk driver to move in with the victim after she got out of the hospital and take care of her and told her mom this is what the victim would want? SHE WAS IN A COMA!, No one wanted the mother to make decisions, and the sister (20) wanted to make all of the decisions for her sister and made her mother stop helping and told her to make me stop helping? Im confused. I got her on medical, I got her on disabilty, I got the mom financial aid so she could stay at the hospital and I paid for there room for a month, and yet I am the bad guy? Im confussed. I did the right thing and I know I did. No one was going todo nothing abiut anything and someone had to step up and help the mom take care of things. Im her best friend and thats MY job. I love my friend Lisa with all of my heart and I did what she asked me to do as a friend would. Lisa and I are still BFF and will always be, but her daighter doenst like me know becasue I dont like the druink driver and I told her mom to get a lawyer because he mom signed the legal paperowrk to pay for the medical bills and will be responsible. The young people in the community dont want the drunk driver to have to do anything and feel sorry for him. I dont and for that I am now an outsider. Before April got in the accident she always came to me for whatever she needs and now she is distant. She was told by her sister I caused problems in the hospital for her mom and stresses her out! She has noclue that gettign things done is stressful, but It had to be done and I did it. What do I do?

You should not feel bad for what you did. You with out a doubt did the right thing and if anyones tells you different then they are wrong. You had to make a very tough decision but atleast you know that he and his kids are safe. He could of killed someone or even his own kids and should of never put himself in that situation. This is one of the reasons why over 18,000 people get killed every year and over 200,000 are injured due to drunk drivers. I just wrote an artical about this you can read it on my page, just click on my name. It takes a caring person to do what you might of saved many lives. Thank you.

Kel I don't know you at all and yet IAM SO PROUD OF YOU !!! If you hadn't called, there would of been a pile up or a severe accident, no doubt. If he had the audacity to blame you for his idiocy, then that is no friend and you did his kids a favor. Hopefully the jerk is STLL NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE and lost his job or his kids cause of his irresponsibility. Good for you . . . I appreciate you for being the 'good fella' . . .Here is my pet peeve article onDWAL's---Throw them in Jail already !

Throw them in Jail already !